CORRECTIONS 

There are a few misspelled words or letters omitted 
in this book through the fault of the proef-reader, such as: 

Page 6- — "Tendering" should be "Tending." 
Page 68 — "Vermillion" should be "Vermilion." 
Page 62 — "Respendent" should be "Resplendent" 
Page 67 — "Buss" should be "Bus." 
Page 89 — "Ascent" should be "Accent." 
Page 122 — "Wresting" should be "Wrestling." 
Page 1 1 5 — "Goodness" should be 'Goddess." 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

or 

The Battle of the Pots 

by 

THOMAS H. KENNEDY 

Author of "The Devil at The Fair" 
and other Satires 



PUBLISHED BY THOMAS H. KENNEDY, 
1035 MARKET STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL 



-r$3 5 !irS5 



^ 5 \. 






Oi%1- 



Copyright, 1922, By Thomas H. Kennedy 
All Rights Reserved 



• 






FEB -I 1922 

Press of 

CHASE & RAE 

11 85 Church Street 

San Francisco 

Calif. 



©31.A654462 



AUTHOR'S PREFACE 

The recent European War has shown that interna- 
tional treaties are absolutely vain. War between tribes 
and nations has always existed and shall continue ever 
while men and nations are impelled by desire for con- 
quest, commercial rivalry, and love of gold. Also, 
owing to racial prejudice, conflicting creeds, and in- 
compatible national and social characteristics, disagree- 
able friction will at times arise to fan the dormant fire 
of hate which leads to war; and military and naval 
readiness, whatever be the cost, is the only bulwark of 
safety behind which a nation may securely rest. 

Our so-called civilization is but a very thin veneer 
that partially conceals the savage instinct which is man's 
inheritance from countless ages, and, like a slumbering 
volcano, is ever liable to blaze. War is inevitable, and 
notwithstanding hopefulness of deluded advocates of dis- 
armament; human nature can not be changed in a day, 
sheepish fraternity is a Utopian dream, and it is a wise 
nation that follows immortal George Washington's ad- 
vice: "In time of peace, prepare for coming war." 

In the story of the mythical republic, "Yankona," is 
a unique illustration of the folly of unpreparedness, and 
altho ere this, chamber-pots have in various ways been 
mentioned by authors, there is in the literature of the 
past or present, no record of such having been used for 
the salvation of an invaded nation beaten in war. In- 
deed, the noVel ammunition which saved the ancient 



6 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

nation, may yet be useful for the preservation of Uncle 
Sam's. Considering apparent national indifference re- 
garding western coast defenses, with silly talk of dis- 
armament while potential enemies are evidently arming 
to strike; our unready military officials if unexpectedly 
attacked, might recognize its merit and wisely adopt 
the plan. Unlike other discoveries of martial utility, 
it is not selfishly patented, but generously offered to our 
dilatory undefended commonwealth without expected 
thanks or payment. 

While the principal object of the poem is to show 
the folly of military weakness, it also touches ills of the 
government and odd customs of a vanished race. Altho 
the chauffeur's shirt-tail flag of truce, the colicky road- 
side spasms of priest and Burgomaster, and throwing 
of the Commissioner into the eggs, etc., may not exhale 
ambrosial aroma; the scenes are amusing incidents of 
the story innocently portrayed. 

The book contains no unlawful matter of lecherous 
tone or lewd suggestivenes* characterizing many recent 
publications daily going with the mails, and tendering 
to moral depravity of susceptible minds. While it may 
not win immediate acceptance as a Sunday school 
classic, it is recommended to cheerful fellows of either 
sex who are unaccustomed to a rose-petal, honeydew 
diet, and possess normal brains and a happy sense of 
humor. A smile hurts none, and whatever else, it's a 
safe bet that perusal will not bring "the blues;" while 
thoughtful ones may perhaps beneath the lines discern 
some hidden gems of truth. 

The besieged city and all characters are entirely 
mythical, and do not refer to any existing nations or 
persons. Altho it is frequently said that "all poets are 
crazy," the author is yet unconscious of any serious 
symptoms of mental derangement, and does not claim 
to be a poet. (?) Nevertheless, the epic is a curious 
conception inspired by a humorous Muse, over which 
an occasional reader may wondering say: "Aut insanit 
homo, aut versus facit." (The man is either mad, or 
he is making verses.) 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 7 

SYNOPSIS 

"Yankona," a wealthy republic is invaded by a foe 
whose people were refused as immigrants. The in- 
vaded nation, unprepared, is badly beaten in the first 
engagements, but is saved from absolute defeat by the 
miraculous intervention of ancient Olympian gods, wor- 
shiped by Sholgastey, Yankona's leader, and to whom 
he appeals for aid. With ammunition exhausted, the 
shattered army retreats behind the city wall and is 
granted a fortnight truce by the victorious enemy. 

Meanwhile the nation's ruler sends a trio of com- 
missioners to the besieged "City of Sisco" for tentative 
peaceful settlement. On arrival they are by the Bur- 
gomaster, Ben Jolphus, informed of the hopelessness 
of their mission. Later, while discussing plans in the 
council tent, a mysterious stranger suddenly appears 
and suggests a ridiculous scheme to defeat the invaders. 

His suggestion is received with roars of laughter by 
all but Zed Rooster, one of the commissioners, who 
mildly upbraids the fellow, declaring were it not for 
his age that he would throw him into a trench behind 
the camp. The man flouts his ability and challenges to 
prove it with a wrestling bout. The official, a good 
hearted athletic fellow, accepts intending to handle the 
old man gently and give presumptuous age a needed 
lesson. He goes to his tent, strips, dons his wrestling 
trunks and soon surrounded by his colleagues, grap- 
ples with the stranger in a clearing behind the camp. 
To the surprise of all, he is easily defeated and by the 
victor thrown into a watching teamster's dump-cart full 
of uncrated eggs. He jumps out and to wash away 
ovtarious slime runs to the ocean, plunges in and with 
the ebbing tide swims dangerously far from land. His 
pursuing friends arrive and perceiving an approaching 
storm, warn of impending peril, but too late he strug- 
gles to return. The gale descends and he disappears 
beneath the waves while his friends give way to lamen- 
tations and retire to a neighboring cave to dry their 
drenched clothing beside a driftwood fire. 

Before sinking, Zed Rooster thinks of Sholgastey' s 



8 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

gods, appeals to Almighty Jove, becomes unconscious 
and next, much astonished awakens to life in a sunlit 
ocean cave. Hearing vocal music, he discovers another 
dome-shaped cavern of immense size and wondrous 
beauty, where, on a splendid pearly stage he beholds 
Father Neptune, God of Ocean, on a brilliant throne 
surrounded by his court and a host of singing sea- 
nymphs. 

Dumfounded he surveys the dazzling scene, when 
suddenly to the sound of Triton's horn, all becomes si- 
lent and a voice commands him to approach and salute 
the King. He is then informed that his coming was 
by Jove's decree; that his late adversary was a demigod 
sent for a purpose, receives a lecture on his failings, 
is ordered to return to camp, tell his experience and 
adopt the god's suggestions for the salvation of his 
country. To prove the truth of future statements, Nep- 
tune with a scorching trident brands the visitor across 
the buttocks. Then all becomes dark, the cavern sways 
and with a terrible crash there comes a rush of ocean 
water and he is again floating dazed on the stormy 
waves, while he feels his body upheld by unseen hands 
as he swoons. 

Meanwhile, the melancholy group of friends near the 
fire in their sheltering cave are suddenly confronted by 
the mysterious stranger, who, after a brief reproving 
lecture, tells them to seek Zed Rooster on the beach, 
then disappears. Sholgastey runs out and quickly re- 
turns with the nearly dead Commissioner who soon re- 
vives, relates his strange experience and confirms the 
story by exposing the brand of Neptune on his scorched 
backside. They return to camp determined to adopt 
the odd plan suggested by the gods for the salvation of 
the nation. Great Joe Chawmess, the City Engineer, is 
called and with help of the Board of Public Works, the 
scheme consummated, the enemy defeated and the 
country saved. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Here, thoughtful reader, is a tale in rhyme 
Of wondrous warfare waged in olden time, 
When trembling millions in a land of woe 
Were badly beaten by invading foe; 
But turned defeat and mighty vict'ry won 
By strangest battle seen beneath the sun, 
When winning legions panic-stricken fled 
Scared by no cannon nor by flying lead. 
However queer the story be forsooth, 
Read, and reflection will convince of truth, 
And if all nations would the plan adopt, 
The world might profit and all wars be stopt. 

Once on a time, a thrifty nation stood 
Whose peaceful people sought no martial blood. 
A great republic where the voters ruled — 
Or thought they did — by politicians fooled. 
No standing army would the states endure 
With needless cost to keep the country poor. 
The men at arms, an ornamental few, 
Were thought a useless and expensive crew. 
"In God we trust!" they cried, "Away with guns!" 
And "Peace at any price!" sang sires and sons. 

Between two seas this pleasant nation lay, 
Far from all realms prepared for battle fray. 
Avoiding war, but wise in useful arts, 
Fair Fortune smiled on its commercial marts, 
And from the harbors, like a flowing stream, 
Went laden argosies of sail and steam. 
The fields prolific yielded tons of grain 
For foreign empires o'er the pathless main. 
The mines their metals, hills their timber gave, 
Returning wealth from nations o'er the wave. 



10 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Gold came in cargoes for exported wares 

To fill the vaults of "mushroom millionaires," 

While all the people money-mad became, 

And worshipped Mammon with their greedy shame. 

Thus went "Yankona" while the swift decades 
Saw immigration fill its vacant glades. 
From eastern realms came welcome sons of toil 
To clear the land and cultivate the soil. 
The prairies blossomed, on the desert waste 
New homes and cities seemed by magic placed, 
And still the tide of immigration flowed 
With crowding hordes who sought a new abode, 
Till ev'ry acre of good land was ta'en 
From lofty mountain range to lowland plain. 
But still the country held the open door 
For millions rushing to its prosperous shore. 
Cheap aliens, sought by corporations first, 
Hit struggling Labor like a plague accurst; 
Then from an island kingdom to the west, 
A new invasion of brown subjects pressed. 
The warmest of Yankona' s States they chose, 
Where valleys ne'er were chilled by wintry snows, 
And ever-blooming orange blossoms threw 
Their fragrant odor 'neath sky ever blue. 

They came in vessels from afar "Choopan," 
Where temblors shook and burning lava ran. 
Active and smiling and of stature low, 
But shrewd as any in this world below, 
They first employment as domestics sought, 
And did the duties as good servants ought; 
Scrubbed in the kitchen, made Milady's bread, 
And cleaned the pot beneath the chamber bed. 
They washed the toilets or at table served, 
Whate'er the task, from duty never swerved; 
Alike contented to the wage procure 
From painted strumpets or good women pure — 
Tho that should brand no humble worker's name, 
For honest labor brings no blot of shame. 

Thus worked the Choopanese until was found 
A greater profit in the fertile ground, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 1 1 

And then they colonized a fruitful valley, 

Drained by a river murm'ring musically. 

As a small scratch which breaks the tender skin, 

Caused by a splinter or infected pin, 

Neglected reddens, daily larger grows 

Until in time an ugly »lcer shows; 

So the small colonies of Choopanese 

Each day grew larger like a strange disease. 

They paid like kings, adjoining acres bought, 

Secured for cash whatever land they sought, 

Till half the valley where sweet Nature smiled 

Was owned by Choops who loved its climate mild; 

While good pedestrians for miles might pace, 

Nor see the features of another race. 

This, great John Shyram, ruler of the State, 
Beheld with fear and sadly puzzled pate. 
He was a person of stupendous will, 
And able lawyer of forensic skill, 
Who served a felon or a banker well, 
And none could bribe him to a client sell. 
Loud was his voice and eloquent his tongue 
With wisdom pregnant, in the middle hung; 
While all opponents were with logic squelched 
When learn' d John Shyram on the rostrum belched. 
He squeezed the railroads, hit the corporations 
Who curst him roundly in their lamentations. 
As politician — so said ev'ry paper — 
He loomed as plainly as a tall skyscraper, 
And ruled as cunning and subservient band 
As e'er "did politics" in any land; 
Who. gained his ends by scheming or debate sure 
In ballot boxes or the legislature. 
True to his word each henchman could rely, 
And labored loyally for "party pie." 
He thus in councils of the State could tell 
How many solons would obey him well, 
And soon determined to his forces rally 
For the salvation of his native valley. 
Against the Choops no malice bore John Shyram, 
Yet he concluded 'twould be wise to fire 'em. 



12 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



The startled nation heard him next proclaim 
The sale of lands to Choopanese a shame, 
And swear by his sierras grand and high, 
That "they must not another acre buy!" 




Quick to his Capitol he next repaired 

And "Alien Land Bill" then with skill prepared; 

Called on his faithful legislative crew 

To save the State and "put the measure thru." 

Loud was the howl the pending matter raised, 

And wildly damn'd by some, by others praised. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 13 

The public press declared the nation shamed 
And pulpits also 'gains the act declaimed ; 
While grim predictions and the fear of strife 
With mad Choopan at ev'ry side were rife. 
Great was the tumult, gloomy was the sound 
Yet brave John Shyram stubborn held his ground. 
Tho hell broke loose or fell the stars of night, 
He would not weaken when his cause was right; 
But gave the order and the bill was pass'd, 
While all the world beheld the deed aghast. 

Choopan waxed angry, at Yankona scowled, 
And breathing hate, for blood and thunder howled. 
"No land," they cried, "our people shall degrade 
When war can punish with avenging blade!" 
They shrieked for vengeance at the palace gate, 
To the Nockhardo, monarch of the State. 
A race of fighters were the Choopanese 
And brave as lions who no foe could feaze. 
But there were also statesmen in Choopan 
Who scoffed at war and tried a milder plan, 
And next a council of their wisest men 
For days got busy with the brain and pen; 
A protest framed with cogent reasons stated 
For their objections to the Land Bill hated. 
The note protentous for the nation's weal 
Was next embellished with a splendid seal, 
And the Nockhardo, brother of the sun, 
Affixed his signature and it was done. 
Next to Yankona's waiting government 
With speedy ship the document was sent, 
And by Will Bryno, the Great Scribe received, 
Who o'er the matter felt intensly grieved; 
For he had traveled in their flow'ry land 
And found the Choopanese a cordial band. 

He was a peaceful soul, Will Bryno, yea, 
A gentle mind who ne'er a toad would slay. 
He loved his fellows and they called him "Bill," 
His voice was mellow and he scorned the still; 
For wholesome grapejuice was the tipple which 
His table offered to the poor or rich. 



14 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Like great John Shyram he could orate well, 
Enthralling hearers with a magic spell, 
And when at times from public duty free, 
Gave brilliant lectures for a stated fee; 
For in the office of the Scribe of State, 
The pay was little and expenses great. 
"Peace" was his hobby, the one song he sang, 
And where he went, the tune forever rang. 
He "played at politics" and thus, 'twas said, 
He made a party friend his nation's head, 
And got in gratitude a thankless place, 
With strenuous work and stipend a disgrace. 

But to the note, he opened wide and spread 
Upon his desk and peaceful tenor read. 
Next in the chamber where the wise men set, 
Perused to President and Cabinet. 
The bright officials listened, yawned and sighed, 
And mild Will Bryno to the note replied. 
Thus time rolled on with many a shrewd delay 
While notes were pass'd with diplomatic play, 
Until the monarch of the warlike Choops 
Thought best to settle it with fleets and troops. 

II 
The loved Nockhardo, ruler of Choopan, 
Reclined at ease upon a rich divan. 
The noon had pass'd and Sol was shining bright, 
With grounds and palace glowing in the light. 
The splendid walls of the great hall were graced 
With many a rich design by artists traced, 
And gems of sculpture placed at ev'ry side 
With faultless taste, a pleasing charm supplied. 
From tinted domes the sunlight filtered thru 
With brilliant rays of many a gorgeous hue, 
Which made the room and graceful trappings gleam 
Like fairy pictures in a poet's dream. 
His jeweled seat was nicely elevated, 
As fits a ruler by the gods created; 
While just behind him near the silken wall, 
A page awaited ready at his call. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



15 



He sat in silence, stroked the royal beard, 
And meditating in deep thought appeared, 
As if some problem of the State perplexed 
His regal mind by trouble seldom vexed. 




Whate're his thoughts, he wakened from the spell 
And rang three taps upon a handy bell, 
Which brought a servant swarthy as a darkey 
With a large bottle of refreshing "sarkey." 
He drank two goblets of the sparkling stuff, 
Returned the glass and signed he had enough. 



16 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

With golden bell he signaled once again, 
Which brought the dancing-girls, a fairy train 
Of maidens pretty as the world can show 
Who ranged before him and all courtesied low, 
Then with the charming movements of the dance, 
Like living dolls with laughing eyes did prance; 
While the hall echoed with the vocal notes 
Melodious from the dainty singers' throats. 
Well drilled were they with ev'ry motion right, 
Correct the pose when raised the fair arms white, 
And like fine figures worked by a machine, 
When bending low their witching forms were seen. 
With fascinating dances for an hour 
They pleased the monarch of this western power, 
Who then dismissed them with a royal smile, 
And gifts of value they'd receive meanwhile. 
With their departure came the Royal Scribe, 
Red Inko, scion of a noble tribe. 
Three times his face was to the carpet pressed, 
Arose when bid and thus the king addressed: 

"O great Nockhardo, brother of the sun, 
Whose royal line with time shall ever run! 
When will our trouble with Yankona end? 
Another note like former ones they send 
With easy words of diplomatic tone, 
But still unyielding as our cliffs of stone. 
Tho strong in war, we've borne our shameful slights, 
In peaceful terms have asked our treaty rights, 
And yet their statesmen turn our claims aside 
With calm indifference to injured pride. 
For years they've quibbled and I'm sadly pained 
To say no point to please our sons have gained. 
Still stand obnoxious laws, howe'er they try, 
Our injured subjects may no acres buy; 
While right of cit'zenship denied the same, 
Unjustly brands our countrymen with shame. 
Yet, mighty ruler of a sacred throne, 
Our kingdom flourished ere their flag was known, 
And cultured people loved our holy shrines 
At which today each faithful head inclines, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 17 

When all unpeopled save by savage few, 
From sea to sea their land with jungles grew. 
My notes are finished. Brother of the sun, 
'Tis now for you to say what shall be done." 

"Well said! my faithful scribe, I now must think 
Of stronger action than official ink. 
We've tried diplomacy without success, 
And naught, it seems, but war will wrongs redress. 
With booming guns and battle-fleet of steel, 
We'll to Yankona our just wrath reveal, 
And with our army hand them something raw — 
Go now and bring my Minister of War! 
But list, Red Inko, as you prize your head, 
Impart no word of what I here have said; 
For with sealed orders shall my vessels go 
To fall resistless on a sleeping foe." 

Again three times the subject's back was bent, 
And still saluting, from his master went 
To soon return with lord of troops and fleet, 
Who flopped abjectly at the monarch's feet, 
Then from the carpet rose, Nockhardo faced, 
Fearing for something wrong he'd be debased. 
Tho bold in battles where he won renown, 
He'd welcome death before his ruler's frown. 

"My brave Hel Jaygo have no secret fear, 
'Tis for wise counsel you are summoned here. 
Tell me, good servant, are my ships prepared 
To meet a fee if such with battle dared? 
Can they proceed with orders of a day, 
All well equipped and ready for the fray? 
And have you plenty transports now at hand 
To bear an army to a distant land — 
Three hundred thousand to Yankona's coast, 
And could you conquer with the landed host? 
Speak!" said the monarch. "There are days ahead 
Of battle-doom and trenches running red." 

"O grand and glorious brother of the sun," 
Hel Jaygo said, "your godly will be done! 
The fleet is ever ready for the seas, 
Prepared to battle when the King decrees. 



18 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

With loyal crews of gunners ably skilled, 

Each mighty vessel can at once be filled, 

And ev'ry magazine with shot and shell 

Is charged to give a fighting foeman hell. 

Our submarines are ready for a war, 

And all torpedo-boats commissioned are. 

Transports to bear three hundred thousand strong, 

And more, are waiting in the navy long, 

And kept in time of peace for battle fit 

To foeman fleets with dread destruction hit. 

I'll land the troops upon the fated coast, 

And think I'd conquer with the landed host; 

Yet cannot victory proclaim as sure, 

For great surprises leaders oft endure. 

I have no knowledge of Yankona's means 

To meet our army, ships and submarines, 

But there's a merchant who has long sojourned 

Within that land and yesterday returned. 

If summoned hither he perchance may tell 

Much of the country which should serve us well." 

"Good," said Nockhardo, "let the man appear, 
And you, Hel Jaygo, go and bring him here." 
Disclosing nothing of his master's plan, 
Hel Jaygo brought the merchant of Choopan, 
Who gave obeisance with a courtier's grace, 
Which brought a smile upon the ruler's face. 

"Arise," the monarch said with kindly voice, 
"No harm befalls you, let your heart rejoice. 
I'm. told that you but yesterday returned 
From far Yankona where you've long sojourned. 
Pray tell me something of the people seen 
In the strange country where you've lately been; 
Their ways of government, of temples, courts, 
Of State Religion and the troops and forts, 
For I'll be pleased with any information 
Connected with that great and wealthy nation. 
Be seated there my ministers beside, 
And all you've witnessed in that land confide." 
The merchant humbly took the vacant seat 
And this the story which he told complete: 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 1 9 

* 'Within that land, O mightiest of kings! 
I've seen the strangest and most puzzling things. 
The people's ways are difPrent from our own, 
And stable government is there unknown. 
It is a nation made of many states 
Whose clashing aims, dissension oft creates. 
They have no monarch, but a crownless head 
Is placed by votes to rule four years instead. 
Each single state elects a lot of fools 
Comprising Congress, which the nation rules. 
They make the laws and often tumult reigns 
When wrangling irritates their stupid brains; 
For not the brightest of the people go 
To seats in Congress, as elections show. 
A tailor working on a fool's attire, 
Or e'en the fool may to the place aspire. 
So with the states, a temporary king 
With little power, the votes quadrennial bring, 
And by a body made of ev'ry trade 
With heads untrained are laws to govern made; 
While bribing lobbies at all times prevail 
Where prurient solons peddle votes for sale. 
They're curst with politics and have no peace — 
While business droops, elections never cease, 
While many parties all with strange ideas 
And crazy aims have been a blight for years, 

"No State Religion does Yankona teach, 
But priests of ev'ry faith may beg and preach. 
They've gods that love and also fiends that roast, 
While churchly freedom is a cherished boast, 
And tho before ten thousand shrines they fall, 
The love of Mammon holds the souls of all. 
Yes, mighty ruler, brother of the sun. 
They dream of money till their lives are done. 
And ere the corpses cool on dying beds, 
The fighting heirs have torn the wills to shreds. 

"They preach morality and gravely tell 
That fornication is the path to hell, 
Yet thriving secretly at ev'ry side 
Are bawdy houses which the good deride; 



20 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

While forced within them, God of glory save us! 
Are decent women stolen by white slavers. 
They had a recent Exposition grand 
With grounds and buildings beautifully planned, 
Yet mocking virtue, all around the place 
Were vulgar statues, a supreme disgrace, 
Exposing things which made the moral blush, 
And pimps and prostitutes with laughter gush. 
Wing'd angels nude, surmounting fountains high, 
With shocking sex marks turned the decent eye. 
In the Art Palace, too, were pictures vile 
That bawds might praise and clergymen revile, 
Which Eastern people did with shame protest, 
Rebuking barb'rous natives of the West. 
These things I saw and blest my loved Choopan 
Where children ne'er such nasty filth would scan. 
But there was one good man to virtue true, 
A noble soul who came that Fair to view: 
Famed Anth'ny Gunstock was, I think his name, 
Beheld them once, then sick'ning died of shame. 

"Their laws are rotten and the courts are worse, 
Where jurors 'reach* and dreams of bribing nurse; 
While Justice shrinks despairing with disgust 
From wicked judges who betray their trust. 
Few homes are sacred, wedding vows are broken 
With the first word of thoughtless anger spoken, 
Then love is over, to the court they fly 
And for a fee quick separation buy. 

"If rich Yankona's history we trace, 
'Tic plain the nation has no native race. 
Of hosts from ev'ry land and ev'ry shade, 
And varied faiths the population's made; 
While in one section of the country dwell 
A race of Blacks who suffer deeds of hell — 
Hanged by white brothers to the limbs of trees 
With acts of horror which a fiend would feaze, 
While union troubles are forever rife 
And labor riots fill the states with strife. 

"They have no army worthy of the name, 
And coast defenses nearly all the same. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 21 

Their navy's better but the boys refuse 
To sign as seamen while ships wait for crews, 
And many a splendid vessel goes to rust 
While booby statesmen cry, 'In God we trust!' 
Yes, mighty ruler of descent divine, 
To shameful peace their witless heads incline, 
While on their border lives a savage race 
Of swarthy devils who their sons debase. 
True, great Nockhardo, by my country's gods! 
I swear they seize and shoot them down in squads; 
Their women outrage with demoniac lust, 
Then kill and leave them bleeding in the dust. 
With each new horror mild Yankona wakes, 
Looks to the border, bluffing action takes, 
Then calmly settles back to peaceful dreams, 
While all the world with mocking laughter screams; 
And 'peaceful waiting' is the crazy cry 
Of the mild ruler with the lamblike eye 
Who gives no battle, but with pious prayer 
Commends the land to God's protecting care. 
"Zed Rooster, most distinguished citizen, 
The pride of Lobster Bay's good dames and men, 
Roars like a lion with inflated lung 
And calls for action with a stinging tongue. 
Yet thoughtless millions hear his language hot, 
His fame unheeded and brave deeds forgot, 
When he on bloody fields did nobly cope 
And with great valor crushed a foeman's hope. 
And there are others who with wise debate 
In Congress show the weakness of the State; 
Protection's needs with eloquence portray, 
And with keen logic its opponents flay. 
Their burning words each dozing numskull hears, 
But wisdom finds unsympathetic ears; 
While patriotic journals point the shame 
In scorching lines of editorial flame. 
Yet people skim the columns, smiling gloze, 
And nursing dreams of peace they blindly doze, 
Then when awakened, rally round the flag, 
And for imagined glory swelling brag. 



22 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Such is Yankona, brother of the sun, 
As I have seen it by my trav'ling done." 

"Quite interesting and from what you say, 
It seems these Yanks would be an easy prey, 
And yet to harm them I have no desire 
With shot or shell or devastating fire. 
But tell me something of their Olden Gate, 
Of which the world has heard so much of late. 
Is't strongly fortified? Could ships at sea 
Attack the forts and still in safety be, 
Or is there near it a good place to land 
Beyond the range where troops could safely stand?" 
So spoke the monarch while the subject sighed, 
Salaamed again and thus to King replied: 

"Nay, mighty one, twin brother of the sun, 
To take that port with ships could not be done. 
Lost is the fleet and sad the leader's fate 
Who tries to enter by the Olden Gate. 
The way is narrow and on either side 
Are cannons pointed o'er the sweeping tide; 
While mines are ready of tremendous power 
To block the guarded channel in an hour. 
Great guns are trained across the ocean swell, 
Of awful range and gunners serve them well; 
While hidden batteries of mortars wait 
To rain their mighty bombs with deadly hate. 
That is one spot within the land of peace, 
Prepared for war where vigils never cease. 
But there's another smooth and open bay 
South of the city forty miles away, 
Where troops could land with ease by day or night 
On sands unfortified with none to fight. 
Thence marching northward, not a single fort 
Between invaders and objective port — 
But no! they've maps already wisely traced 
Of ev'ry hill where cannons may be placed. 
These, roads command, while many timbered glades 
Are nicely mapped for killing ambuscades, 
And any spot well suited for redoubt 
Or fighting trench is rightly platted out. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 23 

The State-militia which Sholgastey leads, 

Is ever ready when John Shyram needs. 

The Western Yanks when roused are never tame, 

And there a foe would find no easy game. 

There would be surely, brother of the sun, 

An awful carnage ere the port be won." 

"Good," said Nockhardo, "for the information 
I shall exalt you to a noble station. 
Here, pin this badge of title on your breast, 
Within the week my court shall do the rest. 
Depart, yet hearken, as your head you prir.e, 
Of what has here transpired make no man wise. 
Hel Jaygo, lead him to the palace gate 
And then return, I for your counsel wait," 
The leader soon returned and flopped thrice more 
With due obeisance to the polished floor. 

"Who is this merchant?" asked the monarch when 
His high official took the seat again. 

"Ashugo, master, and as learn'd a man 
As any scholar in belov'd Choopan. 
He frequent journeys to Yankona makes, 
And as he shows, wise observation takes. 
He speaks the language and would be of use 
If you should say the war dogs to unloose." 

"Then," said the King, "he'll Count Ashugo be, 
And you shall take him with your ships to sea; 
For I've concluded to Yankona thrash 
And reap a cargo of their surplus cash. 
As the swift eagle swooping from the sky 
Descends on sleeping goose too fat to fly, 
We'll fall upon them when they least expect, 
And teach with arms to give us due respect. 
Now, brave Hel Jaygo, as our mighty fleet 
Is well prepared a distant foe to meet, 
Load transports quickly with my willing braves 
And speed three hundred thousand o'er the waves, 
With all equipments for a lengthy stay 
To siege John Shyram's city by the bay. 
You know what's needed, none can better tell 
What store of food or what of shot and shell. 



24 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

When all is ready, to Choopan proclaim 

Great fleet maneuvers in Nockhardo's name, 

With sham bombardment of domestic ports 

To test the vigilance of guarding forts. 

Then when your ships are far away from land, 

Confide the object to your loyal band. 

These secret plans lest shrewd John Shyram hear, 

And give you battle when your troops appear. 

Try not to enter by the Olden Gate, 

But at the place you heard Ashugo state. 

When you have landed at the peaceful bay, 

Then, brave Hel Jaygo, I've no more to say. 

Your skill in warfare all the realm concedes, 

Whate'er you do, Choopan approves the deeds. 

Red Inko, sapient Royal Scribe shall write 

The terms of peace and hand you ere the night. 

Sealed shall they be and let them so remain 

Until the fortress falls, the city's ta'en; 

Then 'neath victorious banner of the sun, 

Ope and receive reward for valor done. 

Go, noble fighter, and we meet no more 

Till you return from far Yankona's shore; 

When all Choopan your victory will sing, 

While you receive new honors from the king." 

Thus spoke the sacred ruler of Choopan, 
And great Hel Jaygo ratified the plan, 
Next dropt six times before the monarch's feet, 
Then went as bidden to arrange the fleet; 
And ere three days, a fine armada went 
From gay Choopan to win a continent. 
So thought the monarch of the Choopanese 
When warlike subjects left their native seas, 
Nor dreamt he'd live to hear the mournful story 
Of flying chamber-pots and vanished glory. 

Ill 
Upon John Shyram' s coast the moonlight fell 
With silv'ry sheen on beach and foaming swell. 
'Twas midnight and the softly murm'ring waves 
Chimed with mild echoes from the sea- worn caves; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 25 

While Neptune's broad expanse with beauty bright, 
And thrilling splendor gleamed in Luna's light. 
The West was sleeping free from war's alarms 
With peaceful dreams in Somnus' restful arms, 
And from his easy couch, John Shyram's snore 
Roared like the breakers on a rocky shore, 
Nor Morpheus deigned with prescient dream to warn 
Of martial danger coming with the mom. 

In Sisco, city by the Olden Gate, 
None dreaded danger from a foeman's hate, 
With fierce Hel Jaygo entering the bay 
To land invaders forty miles away. 
All still as death, gray ships like silent ghosts, 
Approached and landed the Nockhardo's hosts. 
Three hundred thousand were with speed unshipped 
With dread array of batteries equipped. 
Shiploads of powder, pyramids of shot, 
And tents unnumbered to the shore they got, 
With tons of fish and mountain piles of rice 
By sailors landed almost in a trice; 
While scouts surrounded all adjacent farms, 
Removing wires to guard against alarms. 
Great mortars also on the hills were placed 
By engineers and lines for trenches traced; 
While brawny soldiers dug them with a will 
And quickly fortified each ridge with skill. 
Twas thus invaders from the distant realm 
Prepared a base, Yankona to o'erwhelm. 

Hel Jaygo smiled, no braver man than he, 
And knew war's bloody game from A to Z, 
While all his staff were vet'rans to a man, 
Trained in the gory battles of Choopan. 
The tents were pitched, a spreading field of white, 
For miles they seemed refulgent to the sight. 
Next sentries to surrounding lines were press'd, 
And weary regiments were sent to rest; 
As yet two hours remained ere dawn of day, 
When Choopan's hero could the field survey. 



26 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

IV 

Lo! bright Aurora, goddess of the morn 
With blazing shafts descends on Kaluforn, 
And fades fair Luna, regent of the night, 
While Phoebus fills the world with glowing light. 
The tall sierras' peaks are tipped with gold, 
And dew-drops glisten on the lowland wold; 
While songsters warble in the gardens fair 
Where Flora's fragrance fills the sunlit air. 
The plowman hastens to the field again, 
To turn the soil for Ceres' gifts of grain, 
While Labor's legions haste to welcome shops 
Where toil provides the wage that buys the crops. 

So 'twas in Sisco as the day began, 
When down the streets a mounted crier ran. 
"Prepare," he cried, "get ready for the fray, 
A foe invades at Hemiluna Bay!" 
Wild was the cry and loud the people laughed 
At the wise crier they believed was daft, 
When soon another and another came 
With the same cry of warning to proclaim. 
The news confirmed and soon dispatched by wire 
To roused John Shyram caused him to perspire, 
And all forgetful of his morning bath, 
He rushed to Sisco swelling with his wrath. 
Meanwhile the mines were quickly placed, and woe 
To fleet that dared thru Olden Gate to go; 
While ev'ry gun within each entrance fort 
Was manned and loaded to protect the port. 

Then bold Sholgastey blew the trump of war, 
And loud the blast reverberating far, 
When the militia to Yankona true, 
From ev'ry county to the standard flew; 
And scarce an hour since warning crier ran, 
Ere the great muster of the ranks began. 
With clever skill Sholgastey quick proceeds 
To mine the roads and initerveDing meads, 
While ancient guns, the best they had, were placed 
On heights conforming with old plans as traced; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 27 

For there in mimic battles oft before 
The boys had heard the shotless cannons roar. 
Now brooding horror hovered o'er each State, 
With Congress given many a curse of hate; 
While women wept and hopeless men despaired 
And cried with pallid lips: "We're unprepared !" 

V 

Within the city dwelt the Burgomaster, 
Ben Jolphus, poet, not a poetaster. 
Fluent of speech with ever-smiling face, 
He wore a steepled tile of polished grace 
Which rested with a dignity sedate 
Upon his shining and sagacious pate, 
Above as fair and honest eyes of brown 
As e'er distinguished leader of a town. 
Admired by ladies was Ben Jolphus, yes, 
His hands were soft and faultless was his dress. 
With spotless coat, and trousers nicely creased, 
He reigned supreme at many a social feast, 
And all conceded that he made a hit, 
Whene'er he honored with his sparkling wit. 

Rich as a king, but never vain was he, 
Owner of banks and caravels at sea, 
And soared at times to far Parnassus' height, 
On Pegasus with grand poetic flight; 
While the town wondered when he whacked the lyre 
And flung the verse with inspiration's fire. 
When mad campaigns of politics did rage, 
The Burgomaster ne'er declined the gage, 
But on the platform his opponents met 
With cogent argument to their regret. 
Broad was his mind and liberal his views, 
Alike genteel to Philistines or Jews; 
While Romish priests and bitter A. P. A's 
Extolled his virtues and proclaimed his praise. 

Such was Ben Jolphus and at home he sat 
Fondling his youngest daughter's purring cat, 
When passing newsboy with wide opened jaw 
Came loudly shouting: "ALL ABOUT THE WAR!" 



28 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Quick to the gate the Burgomaster flew 

And to the lad a silver dollar threw, 

Then seized the "EXTRA" and perused with haste 

Of the republic with invaders faced; 

Perceived the peril of his city fair, 

Then swiftly to his wardrobe did repair, 

Placed the silk steeple on his nervous dome, 

Then donn'd a coat, and rushing from the home 

Called to his chauffeur in the big garage 

Behind the house and filled with autos large. 

"Be quick!" he cried. "My fleetest auto bring, 

With easy seat and shock-absorbing spring. 

Fill up the tank and lubricate the cogs 

For rapid journey over roads and bogs. 

With foes who've landed many miles away, 

I go to parley and to battle stay." 

"Full twenty minutes must at least expire," 
Replied the Chauffeur, "ere I change a tire, 
But I'll be ready at the garden gate 
In less than thirty if you'll kindly wait." 
"Then wait I must," declared the Burgomaster, 
"But I'll reward you for each minute faster — 
Ah! here's friend Holey coming up the walk, 
With whom while waiting I'll have social talk." 

Friend Holey was a man of shaven face 
With pious mien and spiritual grace, 
Arrayed in somber black, save round the neck, 
Which a white collar did contrasting deck. 
He was Ben Jolphus' friend since boyhood days 
And ever sang the Burgomaster's praise. 
Tho one was Mason, tother Romish priest, 
It did not hurt their friendship in the least; 
For both were poets of no small renown 
Who oft together had surprised the town, 
When jointly singing they, like Orpheus, stirr'd 
The hearts of all who their vibrations heard. 
Thus good companionship they both had found, 
When lyre and rhythm kindred souls had bound. 

The priest was noble, saving grace he ladled 
To many children in his keeping cradled, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 29 

And, like Ben Jolphus, had no narrow views 
Regarding Christians, Philistines or Jews. 
The school he fathered was an institution 
Where boys were taught to love the Constitution, 
And also taught, to save from blazing hell, 
That Rome's high Pontiff must be loved as well. 
There sprouting souls were shown the pathway right, 
Which led to Paradise and glory's light; 
While all conceded that the preacher pale 
Had mighty power to twist the Devil's tail. 
A gentle soul was he, yet wondrous wise 
The head that held his mild and dovelike eyes, 
And politicians needing friends at court, 
Besieged his domicile and favors sought; 
While cottage owners needing change of grade 
For street improvement also asked his aid, 
For to Jim Freedun, City Works Board head, 
"The priest is very close," was often said. 

"O Ben," the preacher said, "may we be spared 
From war's red horrors coming unprepared. 
This sudden blow has shaken all my nerves, 
And yet, dear friend, 'tis what the land deserves. 
For years our careless Congressmen have sat 
Heedless of warning on posteriors fat, 
While this invasion was predicted oft 
By wiser heads, yet Congress only scoffed. 
What shall we do in this dilemma dire 
To save the city from invader's ire?" 

"I know not, Father, yet my speeding wheels 
Shall bear me where the view their camp reveals, 
For I've determined to the leader see 
And learn the terms of peace, if such there be. 
Tho great the ransom, it is better far 
To pay than suffer with destructive war; 
For only fools with hopeless battle rage, 
When tribute will a foeman's wrath assuage." 

"Then not alone," the holy man replied, 
"Shall you proceed upon the risky ride. 
Let me beside you in the carriage go, 
Whate'er betide, to interview the foe." 



30 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

"Ready!" the chauffeur cried, and with quick feet 
They reached the car and occupied the seat, 
Then fleet as wind the auto sped away 
To meet invaders at the southern bay. 
Along suburban roads they marching saw 
Great bands of soldiers ready for the war; 
While ancient guns commanding road and hill, 
Awakened wonder at Sholgastey's skill. 
On sped the car till far beyond the lines 
Where mountain roadway to the sea inclines, 
They stopt and cutting from a roadside spruce 
A branch, got ready for a flag of truce. 
Strange to relate, among the daring three 
White handkerchief no searching eye could see. 
The priest's was black, the chauffeur's rag was blue, 
And Burgomaster's one of crimson hue. 
Perplexed they pondered till the driver thought 
Of gen'rous action with great wisdom fraught. 
Noble the deed his fellow trav'lers praised 
When he unbuttoned and his shirt-tail raised, 
Then o'er his shoulder told the twain to take 
Sufficient from it a white flag to make. 
The gleaming blade was gratefully applied, 
Close to the waist the garment did divide, 
And then the pastor tied it to the stick, 
When good Ben Jolphus saw what made him sick. 
His smile departed as he pointing sighed 
And scann'd the emblem which the priest had tied. 

"Alas !" he cried, " 'tis ever thus in life, 
With blasted hopes and disappointment rife. 
Inspired by Hope, thru years of joy and pain 
Men ever strive some object to attain, 
And when by Fortune's smiles they favored seem, 
Ccmes frowning Fate to dissipate the dream. 
So 'tis with us, our happiness is vain, 
Behold! the emblem has a yellow stain. 
Gold leaf is proper on a gilded sign, 
Or frames artistic hung in parlors fine; 
But on a flag of truce 'twould never do 
To flaunt an ugly blotch like that to view. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Such would offend a valiant foeman's pride — 
Make haste good chauffeur with the other side." 

"Nay," said the fellow, "tho I lose my job, 
I'll not another inch my garment rob. 
May Truth defend me when you thus declaim 
To brand your servant with imagined shame! 



31 




The stain that fills you with such mad despair 
Is from a pigment spilt upon a chair. 
I sat upon it when your painter joked, 
And thru my trousers it has faintly soaked. 
To prove the words I bend my slandered stern, 
Behold the spot! 'tis easy to discern. 
Oh! had I known the paint had filtered thru, 
I would no sullied cloth expose to view; 



32 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

But as you thus my kindly gift deride, 

Let Holey^s shirt-tail now the flag provide." 

So spoke the chauffeur with chagrin confounded, 
When lo! ten warlike Choops the group surrounded. 
Swarthy were they, attired in khaki suits, 
With rifles long and military boots; 
While bay'nets glinting in the sunshine glare 
Looked grim and deadly with a business air. 
Ben Jolphus pointed to the flag of truce 
Still held by Holey on the stick of spruce, 
Then with a most conciliating smile 
Began to parley as he doffed his tile. 
Tho good the words the Burgomaster spoke, 
No sign of wise intelligence he woke. 
He may as well have spoken to the dead, 
As each Choop listening gravely shook his head; 
When the two friends could scarce believe their eyes 
To see the chauffeur to interpret rise. 
He knew the language and his explanation, 
Tho brief, relieved an awkward situation. 
Two guards went with them as they wheeled away 
With highest gear to Hemiluna Bay, 
Where led by watchful guards Ben Jolphus went 
With pious Holey to the leader's tent. 

VI 

Hel Jaygo heard the Burgomaster's prayer 
By Count Ashugo all explained with care, 
Then with a thougtful voice devoid of hate, 
He spoke and wise Ashugo did translate: 

"No wish of mine to thus your land invade, 
Nor death inflict with war's unfeeling blade. 
The great Nockhardo, brother of the sun, 
Decreed it so, and what he wills is done. 
I am his servant, when he bids me go, 
Not mine to quibble, but to meet the foe, 
And by his order I am here today, 
Prepared to take your city by the bay. 
E'en tho the wealth of all the world were paid, 
The city falls! His will must be obeyed! 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 33 

And when the banner of the shining sun 
Floats o'er the fortress and each captured gun, 
Then to the city be my terms revealed — 
Till then, to me Nockhardo's will is sealed. 

"My potent fleet is ready in this bay, 
And tho, as said, 'tis not our wish to slay; 
My battle ranks, three hundred thousand strong, 
Will sweep your troops as rivers roll along. 
Then why not yield at once and nobly save 
Your fated soldiers from a certain grave? 
For fools who battle 'gainst tremendous odds, 
Tho praised by mortals are despised by gods, 
'lis well we know Yankona's unprepared 
To meet a foe, however weak, that dared, 
While if Nockhardo wished, a million more 
Could in a fortnight reach your country's shore. 
Then why prolong it, why not wisely yield 
Ere thousands perish on the bloody field? 
For sure as stars illume the arch of night, 
Choopan will conquer if you dare to fight. 

"Go with my warning to your city home 
And let discretion rule your shining dome. 
Tell all the people what Hel Jay go said, 
Ere mothers weep above the slaughtered dead. 
Three days are given, if you ne'er return, 
'Twill be accepted that my terms you spurn. 
Then rolls my thunder o'er your shaking hills, 
And gory be your streams and laughing rills, 
As bold and sure my fighting legions sweep 
Along your valleys and your hillsides steep. 
Then, when triumphant at the city's rear, 
You've seen the folly of resistance dear; 
I'll once again give honorable truce 
Before the shells your fated town reduce. 
Defiance then will mean destroying fire 
And ashen waste before Nockhardo's ire. 
Depart for Sisco! I will say no more, 
But give three days before my cannons roar." 

Ben Jolphus bowed, as Holey also did, 
Then led by guards, "adieu!" the chieftain bid; 



34 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Went thru the tented city to the place 
Where chauffeur waited with an anxious face; 
Received a paper with strange marks replete, 
To pass thru lines if scouting squads they meet; 
Then homeward went with quickly whirling wheel 
And engine throbbing in its frame of steel. 
Stopt oft by Choopanese, released they go 
When troops peruse the paper which they show, 
And swarthy braves salute with pleasant smile, 
The Burgomaster with the lofty tile. 

Miles reeled away till going round a turn, 
Approaching auto did the three discern, 
And Richman Shekels in his gilded car 
Soon hailed the trio with a "ha! ha! ha!" 
As the quick chauffeurs stopt the rigs with skill 
Three feet apart and saved them from a spill. 
Big man was he with well developed girth 
And rich as any mortal on the earth, 
Yet democratic and relentless foe 
To bad officials whom he filled with woe; 
Expending fortunes for his country's sake, 
But preferred offices declined to take 
He gave with kindness at the beggar's call, 
And, like Ben Jolphus, was esteemed by all. 
Warm friends the twain had been for many a year, 
And ever prefixed given names with "dear," 
But lately, owing to a jhoughOess tiff, 
They were less friendly and their greetings stiff. 
Now face to face in purring autos seated, 
The millionaires again with coolness greeted. 
The road was narrow and on either side 
An ugly ditch safe passageway denied, 
And it was evident that one must yield 
Ere either car along the way be wheeled. 

"Hello!" cried Shekels, "Now Ben Jolphus please 
Back up your car to yonder clump of trees, 
Where it in safety from the road may turn 
Till onward I my gasoline may burn." 

"Nay," said Ben Jolphus, "let good sense prevail 
And you with wisdom hit the backward trail, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 35 

As I've important matters of the State 
Which urge my going and disturb my pate. 
I'm also, Richrnan, hungry as a crane, 
And would for luncheon speed my car again." 

"Now, Ben," said Shekels, "pray let reason rule 
And do not be as stubborn as a mule. 
Were I to back my car, a mile I'd ride 
Ere safety shows a place to turn aside, 
While to the trees behind you, half the space 
^"our backing vehicle would have to trace. 
Hunger, say you an empty stomach gnaws? 
Then from my lunch let this bestir your jaws: 
A wholesome sandwich of limburger cheese, 
Strong and nutritious will the craving ease. 
Accept my bounty, to the rear retire, 
Nor longer dally and arouse my ire." 

''Your ire be damn'd!" the Burgomaster said 
With angry glance and color slightly red. 
"Think not, big Richrnan, that I fear your rage, 
E'en tho we might with fisticuffs engage. 
If you desire it we'll to yonder field 
At once and settle who the road shall yield! 
Thanks for the proffered sandwich, 'tis too strong 
To please my taste or ease my stomach long. 
E'en tho starvation were my certain end, 
I'd die ere such my palate would offend; 
But if your wagon from the road you'll take, 
I'll soon be home enjoying welcome steak." 
All words were vain. Tho Holey did reprove, 
Their necks were hot and neither would remove; 
But both agreed to from the road proceed 
And box it out upon adjacent mead. 

"Hold!" Shekels' chauffeur cried, "a moment wait, 
I've boxing mittens stowed beneath a seat." 
Forth from concealment padded gloves he drew, 
Well stuff'd with hair and held them up to view. 
"Better," said he, "use these in fistic war, 
Than injure knuckles and good features mar." 
Then the contestants to the middle stripped, 
Put on the gloves and to the meadow skipped. 



36 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

There each his hand extended like a man, 

Clasped, broke away, and then the bout began. 

Like men they battled and resounding whacks 

Were felt on faces and on ribs and backs. 

Ben Jolphus, lithe and agile as a hound, 

A lively match his adversary found; 

Who with his heavy paunch could speedy go, 

And ne'er received but he returned a blow. 

From warlike ancestry came Shekels' blood, 

And savage strain in Ben's arterial flood; 

So, true to inclinations atavistic, 

Both found enjoyment in the combat fistic. 

Three rounds they went, details now matter not, 

Save that their skins showed many a ruddy spot, 

And tender faces had been somewhat mauled 

When "time," a chauffeur for the fourth round called. 

Each from his resting-log with firmness rose 

Prepared to rush and land the finish blows; 

When, Shades of all dead heroes of the ring! 

No bard again of such a deed may sing: 

Each flew to battle like a rampant bull, 

And gods or devils did their pedals pull. 

Both tripped, like rams their heads together came 

And each saw stars with sheets of astral flame, 

As domes connected with resounding thump 

And both fell senseless as a wooden stump. 

The frightened chauffeurs hastened to a spring 
And in their leathern caps did water bring, 
Then quickly kneeling by employer's side, 
Wet clods of moss to swollen heads applied. 
Soon woke the sleepers, each sat up bedazed 
And for some moments at the other gazed, 
Clasped hands as friends and ever after true 
Their friendship held, life's troubled journey thru; 
Thus showing how the slandered manly art 
When rightly used sweeps anger from the heart. 
Back to the autos arm in arm they went, 
Where Father Holey time had wisely spent, 
And placed the vehicles in such position 
That each could travel on its sep'rate mission. 






THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



37 



They dressed and then with salutations kind 
Each party soon left tother far behind. 

'Twas noon, bright Phoebus glowing on the world, 
His warming shafts upon the trio hurled, 




While hunger gnawed and craving thirst assailed 

As thoughts of dinner in each mind prevailed. 

"Gadzooks!" Ben Jolphus cried. "My noble priest 

I feel as hungry as a starving beast. 

The invasion worried me or with forethought 

I would have something for the stomach brought. 



38 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

I now could swallow and enjoy a toad — 
Oh for a friendly inn beside the road !" 

"Indeed I feel the same," the preacher said, 
"My groaning belly also craves for bread, 
But when my patient friends did not complain, 
I sat in silence and endured the pain; 
Yet while I felt the pangs of hunger rage, 
My silent prayer the craving did assuage — 
But look! My prayer is answered, God is good, 
For yonder farm-house will provide the food. 
Haste clever chauffeur, speed the auto fleet, 
And with a blessing we will something eat." 

Swift as the wind when dread tornado sweeps, 
The auto like a living racer leaps, 
And soon the party from the cushions bound 
With nimble pedals to the dusty ground. 
The chauffeur first the rustic gate assails, 
Removes a rope and shoves the swinging rails, 
And fcred with hope they hurry to the door; 
But stop distracted by a beastly roar. 
Beside the entrance a huge monster stands 
Secured with chains and neck'd with leathern bands 
With hispid back and rage-erected ears, 
And gleaming fangs the horrid thing appears; 
Glares with green eyes and beats with lashing tail 
Loud on the door-case like a thrashing flail; 
While like a far thunder, distant hills resound 
With rumbling echoes of the barking hound. 
Gloom o'er the features of the three descends, 
While hunger still each aching stomach rends. 
"Alas!" Ben Jolphus cries, "there's none at home 
And we must yet with empty bellies roam. 
But no, oh happy sight, dear friends behold 
Yon orchard ready with its fruit of gold! 
There welcome trees with peaches ripe are bent, 
And other gifts by loved Pomona sent." 
Quick to the orchard sped the hungry three 
With grateful glances at each fruitful tree 
Where the good pastor with enraptured face, 
Ere they began, pronounced the words of grace. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 39 

Delicious fruit with eager hands they seized, 
And with unsparing teeth their stomachs eased. 
Each helped himself to everything that grew, 
Ate yellow peaches, juicy plums of blue, 
Until the paunches erstwhile thin and flat, 
Became rotund of goodly girth and fat. 
Then all declared they ne'er before had cloyed 
Themselves with any meal so much enjoyed. 
Deluded mortals! Had they only known 
How soon the trio would with colic groan, 
They'd be less grateful and reserve the praise 
Of such a dinner cooked by solar rays. 

In auto seated once again they fly 
O'er dusty roads where scenes go whisking by, 
When lo! the chauffeur soon applies the brakes, 
And rapid run to roadside thicket makes, 
While fSative sounds the other two perturb, 
As rumblings in their abdomens disturb; 
And ere the servant takes the seat again, 
They to the bushes fly with colic pain. 
There in concealment, with kind Nature's aid 
Are griping gas and inward pains allayed. 
The wakened owl and startled pheasant flies, 
Scared by the echoes of their groans and sighs; 
While both between decreasing pangs declare, 
They'll ne'er again indulge in orchard fare. 

"I've often wondered," said the friendly priest, 
"Why authors write of revelry and feast; 
Of love and hate, of mortal pain or bliss, 
And yet no pen portrays a scene like this. 
We read of heroes in all kinds of places, 
And charming heroines with lovely faces; 
Yet with all reading since my early schooling, 
I've never read a book which shows one stooling." 

"So?" said the Burgomaster with a pain 
Which seemed to rend his abdomen in twain. 
"If you to pages of Dean Swift will turn, 
You there the subject may in print discern 
Where captured Gulliver midst Lilliputians 
Disturbed with hills of fecal contributions; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

And pigmy armies were each day employed 

To wheel away the substance which annoyed. 

In Rabelais, if I am not mistaken, 

You'll also read of stools by giants taken, 

When Gargantua told with seeming pride 

Of various objects to his rear applied, 

And in conclusion he maintained, by heck! 

That best of all was a live goose's neck. 

He also stated that its application 

Increased the pleasure of the defecation, 

Which — not considering the goose's pains — 

Went 'to the regions of the heart and brains.' 

And yet these books in libraries are found, 

And hailed as classics all the world around. 

I have them in my library at home 

With many another rare and valued tome, 

And you've the freedom of each lore filled shelf 

Whene'er you wish to satisfy yourself." 

"Lord save us!" said the priest. "Such vile abuse 
Was shabby treatment for a decent goose, 
And better far that authors save the ink, 
Than waste good time in writing such, I think. 
From what you say, those classic books compare 
With naked statues which disgraced the Fair; 
Where lustful lookers did rude objects cheer, 
And raved o'er vulgar front and shocking rear. 
'Art,' they proclaimed it, God preserve the name! 
It gave the West a lasting tint of shame. 
Oft there I saw good dames disgusted run 
From the nude statue called 'The Rising Sun;' 
While painted harridans admiring hovered 
To smile at what a fig leaf should have covered. 
Now easy morals' seem to be the rule, 
With 'sex instruction' taught to girls in school, 
While naked breasts and gauzy garments please, 
With legs exposed from ankles to the knees; 
And, judging by the way the style delights, 
They'll soon parade in bathing-suits and tights. 
Believe me, Ben, my meaning was a joke 
When I of authors and of stooling spoke — 



THE SIEGE OF S1SCO 



41 



like Christian Science, thought the mind to train 
On other subjects to relieve my pain; 
And never dreamt that reading eyes did see 
The stuff you quoted from your books to me." 

"Well," said Ben Jolphus, "tho you may abhor it, 
Perusal sometimes shows a reason for it. 




As rubies only in the dirt are found, 

So gems of wisdom may 'neath lines abound; 

For satire often with eccentric pen 

And queerest language hits the faults of men. 

Strike wickedness with scented velvet hands, 

No sting is felt and still the evil stands; 



42 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

But wield a club bedaubed with muck that stinks, 
Then blows are felt and badness quickly shrinks. 
I like the satirists of olden days 
Whose homely humor hit men's wicked ways, 
And coarse old words may frequently express 
A thought much better than fine verbal dress. 
But now good Father, as we've bowels eased, 
Let's off before by other spasms teased." 

Again they seated and the auto wheeled 
By many a range and cultivated field, 
And soon they reached Yankona's busy lines 
Where troops were still arranging guns and mines. 
They to Sholgastey's tent did then repair 
And found John Shyram holding council there, 
With all officials sitting round a table 
Discussing maps with observations able., 
No time was lost by sad Ben Jolphus, who 
At once revealed his recent interview, 
Told what he saw and from Hel Jaygo heard, 
With meaning to the letter and the word; 
Of the great host, three hundred thousand strong, 
With guns and all equipments brought along, 
And of three days which the great leader gave 
E'er cannon-thunder booms o'er many a grave. 
He told the offer of another truce 
Before the Choopanese would forts reduce, 
Then asked his hearers kindly to relate, 
"What action Congress took to save the State." 

"Congress," John Shyram roared with mocking tone, 
"Decides to let us fight the game alone! 
A stormy meeting marked with bitter rage 
Did wrangling Congressmen for hours engage. 
Seme cried for peace and others wanted war, 
While bedlam broke with fiery tongue and jaw, 
And party factions made a sorry show 
Upbraiding colleagues with, 'I told you so!' 
Then when the squabbles and the rage were past, 
And reason came to shallow heads at last; 
They found the nation in a gloomy plight, 
With no equipments ready for a fight. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 43 

No powder in the country's magazines, 

Nor crews to man the ships and stomach beans. 

They then concluded 'twas the wisest plan 

To 'ask an explanation from Choopan.' 

This course the President has recommended 

As 'cautious policy both wise and splendid.' 

Meanwhile Zed Rooster has been sent to take 

Command of such an army as we make. 

Bill Possum and Will Bryno also come 

With aims to parley and assist us some; 

Yet, from your words, the hope avails them naught, 

For ere they come, the battle will be fought." 

"True," said Ben Jolphus, "you have spoken right, 
Three days to yield or the invaders fight. 
How to defeat them then, I fail to see — " 
"Hold!" yelled Sholgastey, "just leave that to me." 

He looked a leader, on the shaven face 
No line of weakness could a critic trace. 
Determination showed on ev'ry line, 
With keen grey eyes behind gold glasses fine. 
Square-jawed and wiry with a voice that rang 
Like rattling sabers and metallic clang; 
He seemed a hero when he stood erect, 
Who, like Achilles, gods might well protect; 
A soldier born with heart unknown to fear, 
And thus he spoke with ringing words of cheer: 

"Leave it to ME! On intervening ground 
Do lofty hills and deep ravines abound, 
With points strategic where a few can stay 
And with great slaughter storming foes dismay. 
I know each spot, each mound have studied well, 
And marked for use, each ambuscading dell, 
And have already mounted many guns 
To bring disaster to Nockhardo's sons; 
While ev'rywhere, if threatened with defeat, 
I've well-protected passes for retreat. 
Fear not Hel Jaygo, tho renowned his name, 
We'll dim the luster of his martial fame. 
Tho short of cartridges and rifles, too, 
We've high explosives that will serve us true, 



44 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

And from the powder-mill* across the bay, 
Are tons of dynamite now on the way. 
This, wisely planted in destructive mines, 
Will blast to fragments the advancing lines. 
My plans, well laid, for many moons have waited 
To test the mettle of some foeman fated, 
And ere the time Hel Jaygo gives us flies, 
We'll be prepared to hand him a surprise. 

"From ev'ry town on car and speeding nag 
The boys are rushing to defend the flag, 
And fast debarking from each boat and train, 
The volunteers are coming in like rain. 
Here on my list of proffered help appears 
The 'Corn Beef Rifles,' 'Pretzel Fusileers;' 
The 'Frog Dragoons' and 'Macaroni Guards,' 
While Poet Singwell heads a troop of bards 
Fresh from Parnassus, each with thrilling lyre 
To spur our heroes with celestial fire. 
Upon the list with Captain-priest, Mack Blade, 
The 'Pope's Cadets' have ev'ry name displayed; 
While just below, Hel Jaygo's host to faze, 
Are all the members of the 'Calvin Greys.' 
And here's an offer from Police Chief Hite, 
Of half his force to join us ere the night, 
Led by Ham Dorbin and brave Peatoak Heefe, 
Beth mighty sergeants, lovers of corned beef; 
Each born to battle on a distant isle 
Where blackthorn sticks and playful knocks beguile. 
Leave it to ME! John Shyram, and the Choops 
Will have no picnic when they meet our troops; 
For on my staff who at this table sit, » - 

Are men who'll perish ere they shrinking quit, 
Commanding boys who'll ne'er in battle flinch, 
But fight advancing foemen inch by inch." 
Sholgastey finished and the cheer that rent 
The welkin, tore the stitches of the tent, 
And all the hearers of the faithful band 
With fervor shook the hopeful leader's hand. 

"Now," said John Shyram, "let us all away, 
Nor longer here Sholgastey's plans delay, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 45 

For time is short and days will quickly fly 
Ere battle rages and brave soldiers die." 
They ?eft the tent, before it fifty yards, 
Beneath a tree beheld a band of bards 
All playing lyres with songs of coming glory 
For brave defenders in the trenches gory. 

"Bosh!" cried John Shyram as he wiped his glasses, 
"Your modem poets are a band of asses. 
Their work is puerile and the stulf they give us 
Betrays derangement of their brains and livers. 
With lines bombastic and words obsolete — 
Pedantic nonsense — are their books replete. 
Forever searching for expressions strange, 
Their giddy minds in flights of madness range; 
And when they write what none can understand, 
Their fellow fools applaud the work as grand. 
And there's a recent literary curse, 
Outlandish rubbish and yclept Tree Verse,' 
With little sense and no poetic worth 
Which tuneless scribblers scatter o'er the earth. 

"Give me the poets of departed days 
When rhythmic masters sung the deathless lays. 
The graceful verse of Alexander Pope, 
Or Thomas Campbell's pleasant lines on 'Hope;' 
Tom Moore's bright jewels from a peerless lyre, 
Or 'Bobby' Burns' sweet gems that never tire; 
Shakespeare's productions of superior thought, 
Montgomery, Goldsmith, Coleridge, Hemans, Scott. 
Not one among a hundred I could name, 
That would not living poets put to shame, 
And Byron with Childe Harold's matchless rhyme, 
Eclipses all the bards of modern time. 

"But list, Ben Jolphus, tho my words are true, 
They are not shafts of satire aimed at you 
Or Father Holey, both of whom, I think, 
Have walloped lyres and spread the poet's ink; 
But to yon witlings whom the gods despise, 
That rend the welkin with discordant cries. 
They court the Muses and with slender means 
Eke scant subsistence from the magazines; 



46 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

With vain ambition seek Fame's summit high, 

And often starving for a doughnut sigh. 

If such to honest toil would wisely go 

And dig potatoes with a thrifty hoe, 

Or for the railroads bend perspiring backs 

With planting sleepers for the iron tracks; 

They'd find that labor would contentment bring, 

And all would bless them when they ceased to sing. 

Hear how they scream of victory and glory — 

Alas! I think 'twill be a sadder story, 

For tho Sholgastey and his troops are brave, 

Without munitions naught can Sisco save, 

Unless Zed Rooster and Bill Possum, too, 

With smooth Will Bryno may some wonder do. 

But look! Sol sinks in ocean to the west, 

Adieu, my friends, I go to needed rest." 

And so with manual clasps John Shyram parted 

From priest and friend who also homeward started. 

VII. 
The truce is past, 'tis noon, within the hour 
Hel Jaygo moves to test Yankona's power. 
His camp is noisy with the roll of drums, 
And tramping steeds with batteries and bombs. 
Far as the eye can see, the solar light 
Gleams on the flashing lines of weapons bright, 
As swarthy officers with naked blades 
Direct the marshaling of grim brigades. 
Trained to the man in war's exacting school, 
Each soldier moves by systematic rule. 
Not theirs to murmur nor to reason why, 
But for Choopan to fighting win or die. 
Zeal lights each face, desire in ev'ry heart 
For home and King to play a hero's part, 
And from their nation's history efface 
Yankona's slight upon their ancient race. 
Like faultless parts of mechanism fine, 
Each dread division falls in perfect line; 
While great Hel Jaygo his armed legions eyes, 
And hails the city as a certain prize. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 47 

He made no speech, the willing ranks to cheer 
Nor at Yankona hurled a word severe; 
But like a leader at his army's head, 
He calmly turned and to the battle led. 
Just as they moved, a massive mortar pealed, 
And far on high its bursting bomb revealed, 
Where from the smoke and transitory flame, 
A floating parachute and flag there came; 
While waving brightly from a pendent string, 
Chocpan's war emblem did defiance fling, 
Then o'er the mountains noisy echoes broke, 
Which cheering Choops with vocal thunder woke. 
And thus Hel Jaygo, idol of Choopan, 
The bloodshed bidden by his King began. 

Meanwhile Sholgastey waits the time to test 
His volunteers against Nockhardo's best. 
Three days he labored and his ready men 
Were placed for battle at each hill and glen. 
Now to the south are turned observing eyes 
Where, with the boom, they see the bomb arise, 
And ere the echoes of the shot expire, 
Behold the flag which gleams like blazing fire. 
Borne by the southern breeze it northward came 
With sunlight glowing like a shifting flame, 
And by strange whim of Aeolus, unmeet 
It settled slowly at Sholgastey*s feet. 

"Good," said the hero, as with Thespian laugh 
He raised the flag and showed it to his staff. 
"This augurs well, for thus by help of heaven 
The first of battle-flags is kindly given. 
Let's hope great Jove will still assistance lend, 
And aid Yankona to the conflict's end — 
But hark! The echoes rumbling from the front 
Proclaim our outposts meet the battle brunt. 
To horse! The fight begins! Our valiant troops 
Already struggle with the daring Cheops." 

Away they went with quickly running steeds 
Where Choop and Yank with equal valor bleeds. 
Two wooded hills, militia boys defend 
And with great carnage the invaders rend, 



48 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Yet still they close the badly shattered lines, 
Heedless of shrapnel or terrific mines, 
And onward sweep indifferent to fate, 
Where rifles blase and belching cannons wait. 
Tho brave the Choops, they stubborn valor meet 
With clashing lines in deadly battle heat. 
Yankona's boys like veterans defend 
And Choopanese to pagan glory send. 
Blood flows in rivers and the battle yells 
Rise like the tumult of a thousand hells; 
While friend and foe together bite the dust, 
Slain by the deadly shot or bay'net thrust. 
Thus did the battle rage till cloudy night 
With darkness fell, preventing further fight. 
Great was the slaughter of Hel Jaygo's braves 
When charging thousands fell to battle-graves, 
And when 'twas over, with the action done, 
He owned that progress had been dearly won. 
Sholgastey then was told of sad condition 
With shortage in supplies of ammunition, 
And cursing Congress while he feared defeat, 
At once gave orders for a still retreat. 
Back to his second line he swiftly hied, 
And in good order the retreat did guide; 
Where safe in camp Yankona's boys were fed 
With healthful rations of strong beans and bread. 
Then drowsy silence fell on land and deep, 
When weary heroes went to welcome sleep. 
Not so the leader, by the lunar light 
He rode the field and labored half the night; 
Sent ammunition from the distant rear, 
And placed it well for troops and cannoneer; 
Scann'd ev'ry trench, inspected ev'ry mound, 
And placed masked guns invaders to confound. 
Then with a heavy heart at midnight went 
To arms of Somnus in his guarded tent, 
Thinking how true the words, as he lay down: 
"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 49 

VIII 

Dawn breaks again and many a startled bird 
Flies from the perch when bugle blasts are heard. 
The Choopanese salute the rising sun 
With: "Hail to thee this day, O August One!" 
Each clasps raised hands and bows the rev' rent head* 
As did their ancestors thru ages fled. 
Then all together on their bended knees 
They breathe a prayer their honored gods to please. 
Next with a blessing eat the morning meal, 
And to the order form .the lines of steel. 
Prepared to win or perish to a man 
For the Nockhardo and belov'd Choopan. 

In the defenders' camp the drums resound, 
And sleeping soldiers from the blankets bound. 
Some look with pleasure on the sunny dawn, 
And lazy comrades stretch their limbs and yawn; 
While others roll the cigarettes and smoke, 
And list with laughter to some spicy joke. 
Tho Sol ascending tints with rosy blush, 
His glory charms not while they wait for mush, 
And few, religious sentiments reveal 
Before partaking of the morning meal. 
Yet all revere their emblem floating high, 
And right or wrong, would for Yankona die. 

Again the battle breaks with fiery breath 
Of blazing weapons hurling bolts of death. 
Today the field o'er spreading miles extends, 
And bravely still the stubborn Yank defends. 
The Choops for hours have stormed each trench rsid 

hill 
Where awful volleys their battalions kill. 
They still undaunted close the broken lines, 
Tho raked with enfilade and blown by mines, 
And forward press o'er shattered limbs and heads 
Where dreadful blasts had comrades blown to shreds; 
For well Sholgastey, busy with the night, 
Had placed the mines of deadly dynamite. 
Now from a rising ledge, with sweeping glass 
He scans the battle and events that pass. 



50 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

"Brave Choops!" he cries, as he and aides admire 
Their sturdy valor in the awful fire. 
"No wonder that the trump of martial fame 
Around the world resounds Hel Jaygc's name. 
With his equipments and such troops as these, 
I'd sweep the world and kingdoms win with ease; 
Alfcho my own brave boys I don't demean, 
For better ones have ne'er in battle been; 
And well they prove it in these bloody dells 
With ancient guns and antiquated shells. 
Behold yon trench in valley to the right 
Where Choops advance. How brave our fellows fight! 
They charging foes receive with deadly fire, 
And falling hundreds near the trench expire. 
Still pressing on, the ditch contesting storm, 
And ripped with steel is many a manly form. 
The trench is taken by the Choops — but no, 
Our brave defenders have repelled the foe, 
And from the rear advancing double quick 
Come reinforcements and our heroes stick. 
They've reached the trench, their volleyed rifles blaze 
And cloud the scene with battle's smoky haze. 
We hold the ground! Nockhardo's fighters yield, 
And falling back they seek another field. 
If ammunition holds until the night, 
Our gallant soldiers will have won the fight. 
But no, alas! our ordnance slower booms, 
Foreshowing shortness which our army dooms. 
Damned be the shallow government that spared 
The cost of arms and left us unprepared! 
O Nox, fair goddess of the night, descend 
With somber shades and speed the battle's end!" 

Nox heard the leader call, his wish obeyed, 
And kindly hastened to the mortal's aid, 
Pleased to assist Mars' troubled hero bold, 
Who still was faithful to the gods of old. 
Sol hid his face, according to her plea, 
And darkness thickened over land and sea; 
While guns stopt firing in the dismal murk, 
And baffled soldiers ceased the bloody work. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 51 

Next, truce proclaimed, three hours each leader said, 

To help the wounded and inter the dead. 

This done, Sholgastey with his mind perplexed 

Called all his captains to decide what next. 

Brief was the council and by all agreed 

That ammunition was the greatest need, 

While all conceded that the course was plain, 

To pass the order for retreat again. 

Then, after hasty meal, the weary troops 

Again departed from the hidden Choops; 

For shades of Nox still hovered o'er the field 

And all their movements from the foe concealed, 

As down the darkened road, the whipped brigades 

Moved on like winding bands of silent shades. 

No sound was heard save wounded comrades' groans, 

When vans were jolted by deep ruts and stones; 

Or petty officers' subdued commands 

To marching soldiers in the loyal bands. 

Sad were the plucky boys, who saw defeat 

Rise like a gloomy specter with retreat, 

And hurled at Congress many a bitter curse 

For unpreparedness which could not be worse; 

While thoughts of perished brothers left behind, 

Roused rebel wrath and hardened ev'ry mind. 

Miles on they tramped and when the morning broke, 

The gloom still hovered like a cloud of smoke. 

But to the camping place at city's rear, 

Sholgastey led as if the morn were clear; 

For well he knew each feature of the land 

Surveyed with wisdom for the final stand. 

Here with equipments could Yankona hold 

And beat a million of invaders bold, 

But now, alas! with ammunition short, 

He knew that battle was with peril fraught; 

And thought if favored not by Jove's intent, 

Hel Jaygo's march no mortal could prevent. 

Yet had he known of such impending aid — 

But of this later, lest the gods upbraid. 



52 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

IX 

Again 'tis morning, o'er Hel Jaygo's camp 
A dismal fog still hovers cold and damp. 
Dark is the land, with ever-watchful eyes 
The cautious outposts guard against surprise. 
To Phoebus now no rev'rent head inclines, 
For him they honor when he brightly shines, 
But morning prayers as usual are said 
Ere fighters eat the breakfast fish and bread, 
While yet no bugle calls the lines to form, 
Prepared Yankona's deadly guns to storm. 
Hours roll along, no rays of warming sun 
Dispel obscuring gloom of vapor dun, 
While active sentries still their vigils keep 
Till night again descends with peaceful sleep. 
The leader, ever lover of the brave, 
Respects a foeman who good battle gave, 
And having found the cost of fighting dear, 
W?ll take no chances till the day is clear. 
Two mornings pass and still cimmerian gloom 
Shrouds like the midnight dimness of a tomb, 
But on the third, the glowing orb of day, 
Bright Sol, resumes his gratifying sway. 
Loud roll the drums and wakened Choops arise 
To hail the Sun-god with respectful cries. 
Next bathe and breakfast and to ready ranks 
Again to struggle with contesting Yanks; 
When lo! a runner comes with nimble feet, 
And tells Hel Jaygo of the foe's retreat. 

"Break camp and follow," is the brief command 
The leader gives to officers at hand. 
Then by the route where foes retreating went, 
Nockhardo's host proceeds on battle bent. 
With mounted scouts advancing far ahead, 
Like a long snake of steel the soldiers tread, 
While farmers stare and frightened children fly 
With needless fear as Choopanese go by. 
All day they march until Sholgastey's lines 
Again appear as Sol with eve declines, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 53 

While Sisco, city of ten thousand spires, 
Glows ruddy with his disappearing fires. 

"Halt!" says Hel Jaygo, and the line is still, 
Extending far round many a rearward hill. 
He sits like statue on a sculptured horse 
And scans the field of coming battle loss; 
Surveys each spot with naked eye, then takes 
His field-glass and keen observation makes; 
Looks for the places favored for attack, 
Where lines seem weak and foes artillery lack. 
With martial skill he views each strong redoubt 
And plans the course to drive defenders out, 
Then lowers the glass and calls an engineer 
Who maps the field and marks with figures queer. 
Again he lifts the searching glass and turns 
Where Sisco fair with sunset glory burns, 
And in the view, across the city's rear, 
A massive wall, like bulwark does appear, 
With arching gates, extending all the way 
From rolling ocean to the placid bay. 
But this disturbs not, for he knows too well 
That stone must crumble if he wills to shell. 
Before it full two miles in front is seen 
A treeless lawn of irrigated green. 
This, too, from ocean to the bay does run 
With many fountains flashing by the sun. 
A spacious boulevard from shore to shore, 
Like fringe of white extends the lawn before. 
Between this road and where his soldiers stand, 
Are isolated hills and garden land, 
While to the left, with gaping crater wide, 
A dead volcano stands in lonely pride. 
He calls his staff and o'er the field they go 
With thoughtful gaze and comment on the foe, 
For all were officers with skill to lead, 
Should Fate decree that brave Hel Jaygo bleed. 
The council over, next the leader turns 
And near a stream good camping ground discerns, 
For he concluded that it would be best 
To give his sturdy troops a needed rest. 



54 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Then to the order quick the soldiers tramp, 
And soon the pickets guard the sleeping camp. 

X. 

Within the city since the war began 
Confusion reigned with curses at Choopan, 
And doubly so at Congressmen unwise 
Who left the nation open for surprise. 
All banks were closed and treasure borne away 
To safer regions far beyond the bay, 
And wealthy wives with timid children went 
Far from invading Choops bellipotent, 
But many thousands of the women staid 
To guard their homes, of battle unafraid. 
All men were held, Ben Jolphus did proclaim 
To fires extinguish if bombardment came, 
And when the echoes of each combat boomed, 
Hell raged with minds who thought the city doomed. 
All loved Sholgastey as a warrior brave, 
But knew he lacked equipments fit to save. 
Now with the sheen of arms beheld afar 
And foemen coming well prepared for war, 
With wrath unbridled yelled disgusted crowds 
Who wished the rulers in their coffin shrouds. 
Night fell while gathered many a volunteer 
With ancient blunderbuss and rusty spear, 
Lent from the city's great museum where 
Old junk was mingled with art treasures rare; 
While huntsman-clubs with trusty weapons came 
To win or perish in Diana's name. 
These hardy boys were stationed on the wall 
To beat the enemy or fighting fall, 
While thousands more were ready to proceed 
And with their brothers for the country bleed. 

'Tis midnight, o'er Yankona's silent lines 
Fair Luna's light with silvery beauty shines, 
And tints the city with resplendent beams 
While heads uneasy sleep with troubled dreams. 
Calm is the night, no sound disturbs, the breeze 
Blows soft and cooling from the sparkling seas 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



55 



That roll with crooning music on the shore, 

As they had rolled for eons long before. 

Sholgastey stands in silence by his tent, 

And gloomy thoughts his throbbing head torment; 

Thinks of his country and its hopeless plight 

With scant munitions for the morrow's fight; 




Turns to the moonlit standard flying near, 
And thus bespeaks Yankona's emblem dear: 
"Flag of my country with the crimson bars 
In beauty blended with emblazoned stars, 
Born in the battle-smoke of other times 
When Freedom wept o'er dark Oppression's crimes; 
And patriot heroes on the bloody plains 
Beneath thy folds repelled a tyrant's chains, 



56 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Led by the leader whose immortal name 
Is link'd with glory and eternal fame. 
How would the statesman of departed years 
Behold their country now with sorrow's tears, 
Think of their struggles for ideals bright 
When first thy colors flashed to mortal sight, 
And with the broken chains of conquered foes 
Oppression died and Liberty arose? 

"O dear old banner, could they now behold 
The crazy nation with its greed of gold, 
Where Mammon-worship does each soul deprave, 
And Virtue weeps on perished Honor's grave; 
See how corruption sways and graft controls 
The public servants with degraded souls; 
They'd sigh o'er evils they may ne'er abate, 
And curse the guiders of our Ship of State; 
The future view with ghostly eyes of scorn, 
And wish that Liberty were never born. 

"Flag of my heart, tho dark the present hour, 
And vain our efforts 'gainst invading power; 
'Tis said inflictions oft the gods ordain 
That man may wisdom from the sorrow gain. 
If so, perhaps the nation may awake 
And preparation for the future make, 
Nor see its faithful boys unweaponed go 
To certain death against another foe. 

"Yea, cherished emblem, I behold afar 
In Time's black depths a brightly beaming star, 
Which 'gainst the darkness of the solemn night, 
With glory limns thy distant colors bright. 
A sign prophetic shown by Jove to me 
Of coming wisdom I would live to see; 
When loved Yankona shall from end to end, 
On shore and sea be ready to defend; 
For men more savage grow each year, it seems, 
And sad the .ealms that nurse Utopian dreams. 
Wave, dear old flag, and folds of beauty spread! 
Good night! I go to rest my worried head." 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 57 

XI 

Again the world with crimson glory fills 
When Sol arises o'er the eastern hills. 
The drums are sounding, soldiers wake to life 
With preparation for the day of strife. 
Soon on the field Hel Jaygo's columns trim, 
Advance in spreading lines for battle grim, 
While gunners hurl exploding bombs of steel 
At mounds of earth which waiting Yanks conceal. 
Yet from Sholgastey's troops no guns reply, 
Nor waving battle-flags the Choops defy. 
"Wait," is the order, "and the fire endure 
Behind the breastworks till your aim is sure, 
Then pull the triggers, give them what you've got, 
And see that foeman falls with ev'ry shot." 
They hold the fire and watch the swarthy lines 
Advance by thousands to the planted mines. 
Then speeds electric vengeance thru the wire, 
And blown to shreds, whole regiments expire, 
While others charging from behind appear 
And rush the trenches with tumultuous cheer. 
Quick blaze the rifles, each selects a man, 
And fall in rows the soldiers of Choopan. 
But vain the valor of Yankona's troops 
Against the storming by Nockhardo's Choops. 
Like rivers swollen by torrential rains 
Which sweep resistless o'er adjoining plains; 
Hel Jaygo's legions, like a surging flood, 
Roll all before them on the field of blood. 
Defending heroes, tho they bravely fight, 
Fall back before the crowding foemen's might, 
And soon the banner of the foe is seen 
O'er trenches where militia boys had been. 

"Sholgastey signals for the volunteers, 
And rushing quick come "Pretzel Fusileers." 
Strong fellows all and finely trained for war 
In their birth country from Yankona far. 
Good marksmen, too, oft proved at targets where 
Their shooting-clubs for pleasure did repair. 



58 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Now with unerring rifles quick they fly, 
For their adopted land to win or die. 
They wear club uniforms of olive green, 
And filled with lager every canteen; 
While knapsacks also, inner man to please, 
Hold warm "frankfurters" and limburger cheese. 

Behind them quickly come the "Frog Dragoons" 
Wsth broidered coats and bloomer pantaloons. 
A rattling saber dangles at each side, 
And with a chassepot ev'ry man supplied; 
Brought o'er the ocean and as relic kept 
Of former battlefields where brothers slept. 
With fiery hearts they now to battle run, 
Cann'd frogs and sardines carried with the gun, 
And all canteens are filled with fine champagne 
To warm the blood and ease the battle strain. 
Fine looking fellows and each valiant head 
la topped with tasseled cap of brilliant red. 

Next come the dauntless "Macaroni Guards," 
And fear of death no nimble foot retards, 
As breathing garlic, double quick they tread 
With fine hand-organs grinding tunes ahead. 
Within the doughty ranks all crafts appear, 
From great musician to the chiffonier; 
And hero blood since mighty Ceasar's time, 
Inspires each heart for sacrifice sublime. 
With yellow trousers nether limbs are graced, 
And silken sash is girdled at each waist, 
While flannel shirts vermillion-hued they wear 
And each does ancient musket proudly bear. 
Red juice they carry in each big canteen, 
And macaroni in the knapsacks clean; 
For none can tell how long the fight may last, 
And pained the stomach with a lengthy fast. 
Thus fixed for war the brave Italians race, 
Invading Choops with battle-rage to face. 

Now quickly speeding thru the open gate, 
The "Corn Beef Rifles" come with numbers great. 
Their gleaming arms are flashing in the sun 
And like leashed hounds await the time to run. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 59 

Before the wall they form the ready lines 

With Rileys, Murphys, Gallaghers and Slynes, 

And great assemblage of the O's and Macks, 

With cold corn beef in bulging haversacks. 

They scan the battlefield with grim delight, 

For 'tis the nature of the race to fight, 

And oft conceded by sad Erin's foes: 

"They raise no cowards where the shamrock grows." 

Quick to the muster, at Sholgastey's call 

Come sons of Kerry and of Donegal. 

Old feuds forgotten, "Orangemen" beside 

The true "Pope's Irish" are in war allied. 

Now at the word they hurry to the fray 

Where hell is raging scarce a league away; 

And ere the morrow many a fine gossoon 

Be dumbly grinning at the heedless moon. 

Behold! emerging from the gate there comes 
A band of native youths with sounding drums. 
Each on the shoulder a long musket bears, 
And ev'ry lad a soldier aspect wears, 
As with quick steps in companies they form 
With zealous hearts prepared for battle-storm. 
The "Pope's Cadets" with Roman Church connected, 
And now to action by a priest directed, 
Who, ere the faithful thru the gate did pass, 
Had blest their souls at military mass. 
Brave boys are they, and tho it no disgrace is, 
The most of them have Celtic blood and faces. 
They love the flag, for speedy vict'ry hope, 
And all revere Yankona and the Pope. 
Each wears a scapular and Agnus Dei 
To help thru Peter's heavenly turnstile high, 
While some bear also to the field of slaughter, 
Their praying-beads and jugs of holy water. 
And thus prepared, to God and country true, 
Led by the priest they rush to battle, too; 
While on the wall, repentant A. P. A's 
Who oft decried them, now proclaim their praise. 

Next, mighty Mars and proud Bellona smile! 
The "Calvin Greys" now thru the arch defile. 



60 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

A brave and handsome Presbyterian band 
Whose perfect drilling charms the wondering land. 
Oft had their banner fluttered in the breeze 
When marching on to parties and pink teas, 
Where wistful women scanned their figures fine, 
And they as heroes did with splendor shine; 
As with gloved hands and nicely powdered face, 
Each did the drill or tripped the dance with grace. 
Thru the wide arch with martial pride they wind, 
And scent of sweet perfume they leave behind; 
While thousands watching from the wall admire 
The faultless fitting of the grey attire, 
With white kid gloves and boutonnieres displayed, 
And caps surmounted with a white cockade. 
Soft are the hands and delicate the feet 
With patent leather and silk socks complete; 
While each "Beau Brummel" in his knapsack takes 
Fine choc'late creams with caramels and cakes. 
Yet brave as lions they to batde go, 
And Choopanese ne'er met a nobler foe. 

Next come the citizens of English birth, 
Saxons and Scots, none bolder on the earth. 
Then Danes, Norweigans, doughty Poles and Swedes, 
Greeks, Turks, and Jews go on for daring deeds, 
And other races, yellow, black, and white, 
With fearless spirits hasten to the fight. 
So come the citizens all "hyphenated," 
Whose doubtful loyalty was oft berated, 
But now each race with valor proves the lie 
And shames traducers as they rush to die. 

Sholgastey struggles but his skill is vain, 
As well-equipped Hel Jaygo sweeps the plain. 
Back reel the boys before advancing Choops, 
While foes and friends expire in bloody groups. 
He thinks the battle lost, the lines must yield, 
When lo! the Cops come running to the field, 
Led by the sergeants chosen by the chief, 
Ham Dorbin, one, the other Peatoak Heefe. 
The first is noted for Shakesperean lore 
His attic holds from rafters to the floor, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



61 



And drops of wisdom from his tongue or pen 
Are hailed as jewels by all thoughful men; 
While 'tis conceded in the lodge or tavern, 
That none match him quoting "Bard of Avon." 

The other also is for wisdom noted 
And liked by all his fellow cops blue-coated. 
Long has he worn the star upon his breast, 
And records oft his valor well attest 




How he, great eater of the salted beeves, 
Has fought and captured murderers and thieves; 
And tho all citizens his deeds admire, 
He seeks no glory nor does fame desire. 
Leaders and all are noble volunteers, 
And none among them deadly battle fears, 
As swinging riot-clubs, for blazing front 
They dauntless rush to do the manly stunt; 
But ere they reach the lines to gamely try, 
The gods have listened to Sholgastey's cry. 



62 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

He views the losing battle with dismay, 
And calls to Jove to save the hapless day. 

Earth shakes and deep below the bloody ground 
Is heard a rumbling terrifying sound, 
As a great temblor rends the field of death 
With flaming crevices and poison-breath. 
Then hushed the guns, withheld the gory blades, 
While thunder booms in subterranean shades, 
And from the hillsides roll tremendous rocks 
With landslides loosened by terrific shocks. 
Transfixed with fear are actors in the strife, 
When lo! the dead volcano wakes to life, 
And with a mighty shock and fearful sound, 
A shower of ashes scatters all around; 
While from Plutonian fires with awful blast 
Black clouds of smoke are on the armies cast. 
Back to the tented camp the Choops retreat 
From choking vapor and distressing heat, 
And to the city sad Sholgastey goes 
With army shattered by the quitting foes. 
Thus, helped by Jove the savage struggle ends, 
While smoke and ashes o'er the field descends. 

XII. 
Day breaks, Aurora, morning goddess bright 
With rosy fingers lifts the shades of night; 
Speeds on with sparkling car and steeds divine 
To heavenly fields where starry children shine, 
While Sol succeeding with his brilliant sway, 
Assumes his place as monarch of the day, 
And with respondent shafts of light beams down 
On ashen battlefield and shaken town. 
The smoke has faded, the volcano still, 
And silence reigns o'er trench and riven hill 
Where thousands dead, bestrewn with ashes grey 
Are cold and senseless of the busy day. 
Behind the wall Sholgastey's troops invest 
A public park near ocean to the west, 
Where grassy mounds a goodly view provide 
Of bay and city and the ocean wide. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 63 

The beaten leader stands before a tent 

With eyes thru glass on camp of foemen bent 

Across the manless field, five miles or more 

From where he stands adjacent to the shore. 

A few survivors of his staff are there, 

Who view the city's danger with despair, 

While grieved Ben Jolphus and Police Chief Hite, 

With Father Holey tarry to the right. 

Three friends are they, the Chief a trusty man 
Who ne'er with grafters would connive or plan, 
And keeps his captains ever on the move 
Lest they may stumble in prehensile groove. 
His friends are many and his foes are few, 
And has a chapel in his office, too, 
Where, when perturbed by his official cares, 
His weary head may find relief in prayers. 
There, too, subordinates when minds are weary, 
With sweet devotion oft become more cheery; 
While often strumpets reeking with disgrace, 
Find true repentance in the holy place, 
And all observing his administration, 
Declare none better in the troubled nation. 

Sholgastey still with scrutinizing eyes 
Peers thru the glass and yet no foe espies, 
Nor in Hel Jaygo's camp the busy life 
To indicate renewal of the strife, 
Thinks of his pagan gods, while Jove he blesses, 
Then to Ben Jolphus turns and thus addresses: 

"Good Burgomaster, 'twas one week ago 
When you and Holey interviewed the foe. 
You said he promised us a final truce 
Before his mortars would the forts reduce. 
We're badly beaten and 'tis hope forlorn 
To further fight with ammunition gone, 
And 'twould, I think, be wise to now proceed 
And ask Hel Jaygo to his promise heed. 
Tell him commissioners will soon arrive 
Prepared to settle terms and peace revive; 
For now Zed Rooster and the other two 
Sent by the President are overdue. 



64 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Thus gain a week or fortnight if you can, 

Ere Jove perchance inspires another plan. 

Twice has he aided when I called aloud, 

And saved our army with obscuring cloud. 

Now, ere the city may with shells be riven, ■ 

His great assistance may again be given. 

Tho disapproval Holey may express, 

I own that ancient gods with love I bless; 

Believe that still from far Olympian height, 

They help their worshipers in martial fight. 

To prove my faith, yon battlefield behold 

Where 'neath the ashes sleep our comrades cold. 

There swept by death are Presbyterian Greys 

Who loved not Jove, nor Mars gave rev'rent praise. 

Brave boys were they and Testaments they bore 

With pious fervor in the battle's roar, 

While all around them, red with gory slaughter, 

Are perished youths with beads and holy water. 

And yet their piety availed them not 

Against Hel Jaygo's bayonets and shot, 

While I, protected by discarded gods 

Uninjured went where thousands bit the sods; 

And still believe a miracle shall come 

From Jove to send the foe defeated home. 

Go, good Ben Jolphus, and your chieftain, Hite, 

May ride beside you with a flag of white." 

Ben Jolphus uttered no complaining word, 
Nor faithful Chief to the command demurred; 
But Father Holey asked to also go, 
To whom the leader softly answered, "No." 
No gasoline car could the trenches cross, 
And each was mounted on an army horse, 
Then, with a flag of truce cut from a tent, 
And tied to ramrod thru the gate they went. 
In full regalia was the Chief arrayed, 
With cap and coat embellished with gold braid, 
And on his breast a finely jeweled star 
Refulgent beamed and gave the twain eclat. 
The Burgomaster wore his silken lid 
Which from the flies his hairless apex hid, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 65 

And on his face the ever-friendly smile, 
Above fine raiment of the latest style. 
Hite bore the flag as o'er the field they sped 
Thru awful trenches and great heaps cf dead, 
While from the city echoed cheers of pride, 
As thousands watched them to Hel Jaygo ride. 

"Too bad," the chief remarked, "that men so brave 
Should thus be hurried to a needless grave. 
War to mankind has ever been a curse, 
And with each year the world seems getting worse, 
With ev'ry nation armed against another, 
And ev'ry man prepared to kill his brother. 
Like running wolves that rend the dog who trips, 
So nations now with troops and battleships 
Are always waiting an excuse to find 
For waging war, the weaker ones to grind. 
With lust for territory, trading greed, 
Low racial hatred, senseless clash of creed; 
We with humanity's increasing crime 
Seem retrograding to the cave-man's time. 
Brute force predominates, which augurs bad, 
And looks as if the world is going mad." 

"True," said Ben Jolphus, "and I've often thought 
That sometime weak Yankona would be caught, 
And wondered why law makers of the nation, 
Tho often warned, would make no preparation; 
While other lands to gratify their greed 
Were getting ready to make others bleed. 
'Tis now too late, we must the lesson face 
While mocking nations witness the disgrace; 
Unless Sholgastey's cherished hope comes true, 
And Jovian miracle may pull us thru — 
But see! The camp is nigh, and soldiers sent 
Perhaps to lead us to Hel Javgo's tent." 

The guard approached, Ashugo at the head 
And soon the two were to the leader led, 
Where Burgomaster doffed the shining steeple 
To plead for country and his city's people. 
He told of delegates upon the way, 
Prepared with overtures to battle stay; 



66 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Spoke of the promised truce like gifted pleader, 
And asked a fortnight from Nockhardo's leader. 
The great commander heard the Count's translation, 
And thus replied with calm deliberation: 

"Vain is the hope, as stated once before, 
For me to parley on this hostile shore. 
My orders were by great Nockhardo given 
To take your city tho its base be riven. 
Whatever the cost to me or pain to you, 
I must the noble monarch's bidding do. 
This done, I'm able to remove the seal 
And to your land the ruler's terms reveal. 
Your boys are heroes and my vet'ran braves 
Regret the slaughter and the useless graves; 
Yet lost to shame, the country is indeed, 
That unequipped lets such in battle bleed. 
But had you listened to my former plea 
'Gainst futile fight the horror would not be. 
By you 'twas chosen and if mothers wail, 
Or sisters weep for battle-corpses pale; 
No fault of mine, I warn you once again 
That opposition to my troops is vain. 

"Choopan is ever to its treaties true, 
And I'll be faithful to my word with you. 
As you have asked me for a brief respite 
With fortnight truce to ponder peace or fight; 
The time is granted, to your city go 
In peace, Choopan admires a valiant foe. 
But tell your people to inter the dead, 
As we shall do to ward distemper's spread. 
See that no weapons from the field are ta'en, 
But let them all be buried with the slain. 
We are the victors and the spoils we yield 
To sleeping heroes on the honored field. 
And in concluding I with truth may say, 
Tho war's my calling, I would bless the day 
When all who live this evanescent life 
Shall brothers be, unknown to warring strife. 
This world is wide enough for all to share 
Its many blessings without war's despair, 






THE SIEGE OF SISCO 67 

If men and nations would with sense efface 

The false conception of 'superior race.' 

All men are equal in the eyes of God, 

With the same privilege on sea or sod, 

And in Choopan our deities divine, 

For race or creed or color draw no line. 

Our realm is small, more crowded grows the land, 

And fast increasing people must expand; 

For they've God's will to live, to breathe the air, 

Enjoy the sun, their children raise with care, 

And if Yankona will not have them here, 

They'll find some other land with homes to cheer." 

Hel Jaygo finished and the Count explained 
Until the friends a clear conception gained. 
Ben Jolphus wrote it, then saluting, strode 
To waiting horses and to Sisco rede, 
Where shrewd John Shyram and Sholgastey waited 
In breathless silence till the terms were stated. 

"Good!" said the leader, "we accept the terms. 
The guns are useless, feed them to the worms. 
Tomorrow morn Zed Rooster will be here, 
And ere two weeks assistance may appear. 
Now to avert a pestilential smell, 
We'll plant dead comrades in the trenches well." 
He gave the order that, "Before the night 
No soldier's body shall remain in sight." 
Soon on the ashy plain were shovels plied 
By Choops and Yanks who labor did divide, 
And when red Sol descended in the waves, 
The dead were hidden in the covered graves. 
Thruout the State were many mourners bent 
With tears for boys to hopeless battle sent, 
And maledictions with the hate of hell, 
For unpreparedness on the rulers fell. 

XIII. 
Night passed and with the early morning came 
The great Zed Rooster of the jungle fame. 
Within a jitney buss he thinking sat 
Beside the driver, while Bill Possum fat, 



68 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

With peaceful Bryno held the postern seat 

And westward rode along the silent street. 

No hand preceded and no big committee 

Received and bid them welcome to the city; 

For Congress sent them and John Shyram's State 

Now thought of Congressmen with savage hate. 

And so Ben Jolphus and Police Chief, Hite, 

Received the party with assumed delight, 

They in an auto speeding on ahead, 

The trio quickly to Sholgastey led, 

And in the camp beneath a spreading tree, 

The Burgomaster introduced the three. 

With greeting over, soon the tale was told 

Of useless combats with invaders bold; 

How lack of arms, deficient ammunition, 

Compelled retirement from each strong position; 

How clouds obscuring helped them to retreat 

When Nox was called to save them from defeat, 

And how again great Jove assistance sent 

When Vulcan's fire the dead volcano rent. 

A15 was related from the fatal day 

When foemen landed at the southern bay, 

Up to the final truce of day before, 

With time to ponder ere new battles roar; 

Of orders sealed until the city's ta'en, 

And further parley with Hel Jaygo vain. 

Zed Rooster listened to Sholgastey's story 
Of cloudy miracles and trenches gory, 
Then said: "Brave officer you've nobly done, 
E'en tho no foe you beat, no battle won. 
Altho contending 'gainst tremendous odds, 
I doubt the succor of your ancient gods, 
Yet strange it seems, when sad defeat was sure, 
That shielding vapors did the field obscure. 
I own myself from superstition free, 
And gods with shallow creeds are vain to me. 
Tho priest or bishop, cardinal or pope, 
May hold believers with consoling hope; 
Historic records of all wars attest 
That gods assist the troops whose arms are best. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 69 

But brave Sholgastey, ere we further talk, 
Bring forth the steaming beans and unctious pork. 
I smell the kitchen odor somewhere nigh, 
And for coffee and the hard-tack sigh; 
While my two colleagues, I am also sure 
The gnawing pangs of hunger must endure. 
With breakfast over we will next repair 
To council-tent and plan the course with care, 
For wisdom ever guides a thoughtful head 
Above the belly that's with plenty fed." 

'Neath leafy branches soon were tables placed 
With steaming tins of beans and coffee graced, 
And with Zed Rooster, at his left and right, 
Sat smiling Ben and his admirer, Hite; 
While sitting opposite, Sholgastey ate 
Betwixt Will Bryno and Bill Possum great. 
No words of grace were wafted up to heaven, 
Nor was Yankona thanked for bounty given; 
But wit and wisdom flowed to suit the mood, 
With shafts of satire at the army food, 
For big Bill Possum ne'er before partook 
Of beans prepared by military cook. 
Refined his taste and delicate his fare 
Of roasted turkey and braised Belgian hare, 
While private chef prepared his turtle stew, 
And for his paunch cooked baked opossum too. 
He well displayed epicurean taste 
With rotund figure and expansive waist. 
His noddle also was for wisdom famed, 
And all the land his legal lore proclaimed; 
While baseball fans his smiling face admired, 
When on the bleachers "rooting" he perspired. 
He ate but little of the food provided, 
And satirized it while Will Bryno chided, 
But with keen relish did Zed Rooster fork 
The steamy legumes and the salted pork. 
He was a soldier and in battle rack 
To foe had never turned a coward's back- 
A mighty huntsman he had also been, 
Destroying elephants in jungles green, 



70 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

And had, when leading an exploring crew, 

Appeased his hunger with wild monkey stew. 

Thus with elastic taste, no trouble now 

To masticate the belly of a sow; 

Altho progenitors of times remote, 

O'er porcine aliment would never gloat. 

Will Bryno envied his good appetite. 

As did his fellows at the left and right, 

Who sparing ate while strong Sholgastey spooned 

The flative food until his paunch ballooned. 

Thus went the breakfast while Zed Rooster told 

Of jungle-danger with the lions bold, 

While spicy stories now and then released 

By others, mingled with the mirthful feast. 

XIV. 

"Now," said Zed Rooster when the meal was done, 
"Let reason rule, we've had sufficient fun. 
To council-tent let all at once proceed 
And study plans He! Jaygo to impede. 
Call all the officers, the time is short 
Ere truce expires and Choops attack the fort. 
Perhaps with many heads we may devise 
A happy scheme the invaders to surprise, 
Altho we're badly whipped and slight the hope 
Against the foemen with our arms to cope. 
Curse such republics where elected fools 
Too often legislate like brainless mules! 
Better a thousand times a warlike king 
Who could the nation good protection bring, 
Than see the country in such shameful fix, 
With party dolts and rotten politics; 
An easy prey to any puny state 
That wills to war with mercenary hate — 
But to the council-tent, together there 
We'll weigh the matter with judicious care." 

Good Bryno first at council-table rose 
And calmly spoke referring to the foes; 
Exposed the folly in their helpless plight, 
Of needless slaughter with continued fight, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 71 

When raining bombshells would the city rend, 
And crushing failure be the certain end. 
He knew the Choops, had to their country been, 
And found them "noble, generous, and clean." 
He said: "Their nation's history's replete 
With worthy acts to foemen whom they beat," 
And still dilating with encomiums nice, 
Implored "surrender, peace at any price." 

"No!" cried John Shyram, "while I rule the Statt 
We'll ne'er to foeman open city gate. 
No meek surrender shall the Choops receive 
While weeping parents for dead heroes grieve. 
Better as soldiers in cold death to sleep, 
Than at the feet of conqueror to creep, 
And while a man remains to point a gun, 
We'll fight until we perish or have won. 
What say you Sholgastey, warrior brave, 
What plan conceived to lovely Sisco save?" 

"Alas! John Shyram," came the sad reply, 
"I've seen too many of my comrades die. 
It madness seems to fighting now prolong 
Against a foe so well equipped and strong. 
We have no batteries with shells and shot 
To match the weapons which Hel Jaygo's got, 
And while, like you, I perishing would bleed, 
Ere to the foe surrender would concede; 
I see no way his vet'rans to repel, 
Should great Hel Jaygo our fair city shell. 
And yet there is a mighty power divine 
Which twice has listened to appeals of mine. 
Tho others modern deities revere, 
To me the gods of olden times are dear, 
And since my college days, I've worshipped Mars, 
The god who still presides o'er mortal wars; 
And yet believe, as oft expressed before, 
That Jovian aid will clear our stricken shore. 
This, time may show, I see no present plan 
To beat the winning army from Choopan." 
"Then," said Zed Rooster with a mournful sigh, 
"Let's for a gentleman's agreement try." 



72 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

"Too Late!" Ben Jolphus spoke, "he plainly stated 
That further parley won't be tolerated, 
And the commander will receive no calls 
Till we surrender or the city falls." 
Bill Possum then arose with smile sardonic, 
And thus addressed them with a voice ironic: 

"Then if the famous leader will not see us, 
We, like Sholgastey, must appeal to Zeus, 
Or call a company of other gods 
To foes bewilder with chastising rods. 
Down on our marrow-bones let's bending wail 
For kind assistance from long silent Baal, 
Or call to Moloch whose consuming fire 
Once roasted babes in dissipated Tyre. 
Let's call Egyptian deities before us, 
Osiris, Isis, Thoth, Anubis, Horus, 
With gods of Greece and Rome, a strong collection 
Who in old times for war showed predilection. 
If they should fail to make Hel Jaygo civil, 
It might be wise to call upon the Devil, 
And once again his majesty satanic 
May help us with phenomena volcanic; 
For by the feathers on our eagle's tail, 
We'll not against him with our arms prevail, 
And naught remains but 'watchful waiting' now — " 
"Pause!" cried a hollow voice, "I'll tell you how!" 

All in direction of the speaker turned, 
And a strange fellow in the tent discerned. 
A sable cloak his aged form concealed, 
Save shriveled hands and sallow face revealed. 
His head was covered with a monkish hood, 
His feet were sandaled and erect he stood, 
And sunken eyeballs glowed with lambent fire, 
As on Bill Possum they were turned with ire; 
While from his chin, white as the drifted snow, 
A slender beard hung down a foot below. 
His strange appearance held them like a spell, 
But how he entered, not a soul could tell. 
"Who are you, Stranger, and what business here?" 
Zed Rooster asked with tone somewhat severe. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



73 



"I am a tourist from the distant realm 
Whence came Hel Jaygo to your land o'erwhelm. 
For years I've dwelt among the Choops, and know 
A way to make them beaten homeward go; 
With quaking terror curse their sad mistake, 
And ne'er again invasion undertake. 
They fear not dying in the battle strife, 
But all believe in future spirit life; 




And working on their superstitious fear, 
I can as cowards make the brave appear. 
Religious zeal has many battles won, 
And fear of wrath divine made armies run. 
As Pharaoh's hosts by Nilus' silv'ry sands 
Held subject monarchs of adjacent lands, 
Until with sacred cats the Persian came, 
And fear of gods put Egypt's might to shame, 
When panic-stricken from the foes they ran, 
So you can do with soldiers of Choopan 



74 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

If you'll my sage advice with wisdom try — 
I have the secret. Do you wish to buy?" 

The listening group believed the man a crank, 
And gazed in silence at his figure lank, 
Until the Burgomaster "broke the ice," 
By asking him to "kindly state the price." 

"Ten thousand ducats of good minted gold, 
The price I ask the secret to unfold; 
Yet not one ducat need Yankona pay 
Until the beaten foe has sailed away. 
I ask not much to save your city fine, 
And give invaders punishment condign. 
The terms are just, my potent claim is true, 
I wait your pleasure, it is up to you." 
Tho still believing it a crazy dream, 
They told the stranger to divulge the scheme, 
And rich Ben Jolphus pledged his sacred word, 
When due that payment wouldn't be deferred; 
E'en tho he took it from his private purse, 
And later asked the town to reimburse. 

"Good," said the fellow, "on your honest face 
No vulpine craftiness can mortals trace. 
Altho your city reeks with graft, and vice 
Protected is when scoundrels pay the price; 
While gamblers low, with pimps and harlots ply 
Their bad vocations and the laws defy; 
Tho ruthless parasites in office thrive, 
And greedy rings with sordid craft connive, 
While hapless cotters rage o'er purses thinned 
When street assessments have the victims skinned, 
With tunnel jobs and public service tricks 
Which shallow shysters for taxpayers fix — 
Tho such, and worse, the shabby wretches do, 
None can dishonor's taint attach to you, 
As blind to evils you unknowing plod — 
'An honest man's the noblest work of God.' 
The deal is closed, now give attention please, 
And hear my plan to beat the Choopanese." 
All ears to hear the old man's scheme were cocked, 
With little hope that foemen would be blocked. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 75 

"I first will state that all the Choopanese 
Revere their ancestors as deities. 
In every home they keep a sacred shrine 
Where such are worshipped with their gods divine, 
And think their spirits ever hover near 
To watch the actions of descendants dear. 
Next to their ancient faith for ages past, 
One duty ever has all else surpassed — 
A rule respected by each mortal head, 
And thought to be by spirits of the dead. 
This teaches Choops that cleanliness is first, 
And that the filthy are by gods accurst; 
That one who dies with a polluted skin 
Must roam a spirit with unpardoned sin, 
Consigned by gods to shades of endless night, 
And shunned by phantoms in the realms of light. 
Such their belief, and with fanatic zeal 
They scrub the cuticles from head to heel, 
And all the people take the daily bath 
To save their spirits from celestial wrath. 
From this lustration should they once refrain, 
The household gods would view them with disdain. 
So think the Choopanese, in former war, 
With strict observance of this ancient law, 
I saw their army on a freezing night 
In icy river bathe before a fight, 
Lest spirits in the home of shades be hurt 
When freed from bodies that were soiled with dirt — " 

"Stop!" cried Zed Rooster, "I would like to know 
What's this to do with punishing the foe? 
Our time is precious and it matters not 
How oft they bathe or sit upon the pot, 
For, judging by your prattle, we may next 
With such a subject have our patience vexed. 
Curtail the prelude and reveal the plan 
To beat invaders who the war began." 

"Hush!" said the greybeard, "if you'll kindly wait, 
Soon be revealed the way to save your State. 
Unwise impatience will good schemes retard, 
But silent wisdom brings deserved reward. 



76 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

The head that holds a cautious tongue is wise, 
And thoughtless talkers all the gods despise. 
Zed Rooster you've a good and noble heart, 
But sometimes sting with hasty mouthiags tart, 
And tho such language please the cynic's ear; 
The blest are they who wisely learn to hear. 
You know not now, but ere the day's decline, 
May hear the truth from grander voice than mine. 
Now to my promise, if you'll all refrain 
From interruption I will soon explain. 

"You have no ammunition, that's conceded, 
And modern guns are also badly needed. 
But you've a power within your land to make 
The bravest Choop with abject horror quake, 
And shells in plenty in your homes abound 
Which will with terror all the foes confound. 
These from the mighty air-guns of the fort 
May be propelled for miles with no report, 
And from the sky unseen descending fast 
Will make the fiercest soldier look aghast. 
In other ways the stuff I recommend, 
You can against the marching foemen send. 
Whatever be the method of propulsion, 
The Choops will flee before it with revulsion; 
For superstition will the bravest feaze, 
And spirit bliss the dream of Choopanese. 
Now hear the scheme, tho vileness I concede, 
'Tis your salvation in this hour of need. 

"Seize every porcelain chamber-pot in town, 
With corn-cob covers, yellow, white and brown, 
Then haul to camp on military truck, 
And at the latrine trenches fill with muck. 
Adjust the covers and secure them well. 
Then at the Choopanese with skill propel. 
The filth which scatters from each breaking pot 
Will terrify them more than shells and shot, 
And as the soldiers fear to filthy die, 
To sav« their spirits they will madlv fly„ 
If you'll adopt it, there's a certain plan 
To beat besieging legions from Choopan." 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 77 

The stranger finished and the g^oup amazed 
At the old fellow for a moment gazed, 
Then tumult started as with noisy roar 
Their screams of laughter echoed to the shore. 
Decorum, went, all dignity forgot, 
With varied visions of the crashing pot. 
Long was the laughter, mingled with the yells 
Of mirthful comment on the novel shells; 
As all imagined what the foes might think 
When thus attacked with falling pots and stink. 
Yet still as death the fellow watching stood 
With shifting eyes beneath his somber hood, 
While a slight smile the sallow face displayed, 
As if enjoying all the fun he'd made. 
The mirth subsided with exhausted wind, 
While panting heroes at the old man grinned. 

"Fool!" cried Zed Rooster, rising from his seat 
With laugh derisive and a little heat. 
"How dare you offer such a silly scheme 
For crazy battle? 'Tis a madman's dream! 
Your many years and venerable hair 
Appeal for mercy, or I would not spare, 
But seize and drag you where obnoxious stench 
Behind the camp betrays the privy trench; 
Then drop your howling in the nasty pit, 
And squelch the folly of your insane wit. 
Thus aptly given what you recommend, 
Perhaps you'd ne'er again with such offend. 
What's your vocation, sir? What is your name, 
Your place of birth, and bedlam whence you came? 
The man without emotion looked at Zed, 
Then stroked his long goatee and calmly said: 

"Thanks, hasty speaker, for the mercy shown, 
But 'twould be be better with a milder tone. 
Impulsive anger and abusive speech 
Are not ideals which I strive to reach, 
And well for mortals who contentment seek, 
To be forgiving and with kindness speak. 
Who I may be or where my place of birth, 
Is useless knowledge to the souls of earth. 



78 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

There's much that happens on this whirling sphere, 
Foredoomed by gods which mortals know not here, 
And you, perchance, and I may also be 
Ordained for something which you cannot see; 
While sights undreamt of here, your staring eyes 
May yet perceive ere morrow's day-star rise; 
And, like Sholgastey, soon may fealty vow 
To gods of old that you respect not now. 
Then, known the meaning of what I now say — 
I've said enough! Let's onward with the play. 

"Now as you twit me with my age extreme, 
Denounce my wisdom as a madman's dream, 
And wish to hurl me as deserving scamp, 
In the foul trench that lies behind the camp. 
Then, bold Zed Rooster, it behooves to say, 
E'en tho my frame is old, my hair is grey; 
While you have muscles of tremendous pull, 
To strangle elk, or wrestle bovine bull; 
'Twould take a regiment of such, I think, 
To seize and throw me in that filthy sink. 
I am no braggart, let us wrestling wrench, 
And test our mettle by the stated trench." 
Zed Rooster pitied, thought the man insane, 
And thus the challenger addressed again: 

"Nay, poor old man, I've better work to do 
Than tussle with a pantaloon like you. 
But if we grappled you would surely feel 
Yourself a baby in my grasp of steel. 
These hands of mine have throttled lions, yes, 
And tigers wild in foreign wilderness; 
Have seized the charging bull-moose by the horns, 
And broke them off as easily as thorns. 
I've by the tails flung bison in the air, 
And without weapons choked a grizzly bear. 
So says the press," (he said it with a laugh) 
"Yet of my prowess they've not published half. 
Now tell me with your underpinning thin, 
How could you grapple and expect to win?" 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 79 

"Pshaw!" said the fellow, "what you've done is 
naught, 
I, single-handed, mastodons have caught, 
Then dragged them homeward by the trembling heels, 
And ate one daily for my morning meals. 
I've crossed the fields of ice near Arctic Pole, 
And fought the meglosaurus in Symmes' Hole. 
Upon the equator I have swam for whales, 
Pulled to the shore and beached them by the tails. 
I've swimming caught man-eating sharks at sea, 
And swallowed them alive as they would me; 
Then seized the great sea-serpent by the head, 
And wrung its neck until it floated dead. 
I've swung my blade where rolled the battle flood, 
And waded shoulder-deep in steaming blood; 
And if I would, ten thousand deeds could tell 
To prove my vigor and my prowess well. 
But that's enough, Zed Rooster, and to show 
I still have strength a fall or two to go; 
I challenge YOU, who boasts of 'grasp of steel,' 
To wrestling contest and your strength reveal. 
With all your vaunted brawn there's no excuse, 
Accept the gage or stand a coward! Choose!" 
All laughed aloud, Zed Rooster with the rest, 
At the queer sally of the unknown guest. 
When still, the echoes which the mirth awoke, 
Zed Rooster smiling thus again bespoke: 

"Then, my good fellow, as your mad conceit 
Deserves the lesson of a stern defeat, 
I'll meet you at the designated place, 
Catch-as-catch-can, we'll go a merry pace. 
I to my suit-case will at once repair 
For trunks and braces which all wrestlers wear, 
While you may hasten to the ground and train 
Your feeble tendons for the coming strain." 
The challenger with quiet laughter went 
Outside the entrance of the council-tent, 
When good Ben Jolphus rising with alarm, 
Approached and grasped Zed Rooster by the arm. 



80 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

"Say, brawny athlete, 'twould be well," he said, 
"To spare the stranger with the daffy head. 
His limbs are weakened by the wear of age 
And all unfit with wrestling to engage. 
His bones are brittle and his blood too cold 
To match your hardy frame and spirit bold, 
And 'twould be better to the gage decline 
Than kill him now and afterwards repine." 

"Fear not, good friend," the doughty Zed replied, 
" 'Twould grieve me sorely if the fellow died. 
A lesson's needed and I have in mind 
To tussle gently with a spirit kind. 
As women wisely on maternal knees, 
With kindness spank when fro ward children tease; 
So shall I play a disciplining part, 
And softly tug with unmalicious heart. 
Tho sometimes harsh when arguments engage, 
I ne'er would think of hurting hoary age. 
And now, Sholgastey show the private tent 
Reserved for me and where my luggage went. 
I will away and wrestling trappings don, 
For in ten minutes must the bout be on. 
All with the stranger to the spot repair 
And wait my coming, I will soon be there." 

XV. 
In a clear space devoid of growing wood, 
Behind the camp the waiting party stood. 
The old man had his hooded cloak discarded, 
That speedy movement would not be retarded, 
Exposing inner garb of silky black 
Which seemed to cover an athletic back. 
No finer place for wrestling could be found, 
The sand was soft and level was the ground, 
And a lean teamster who was passing by, 
Surveyed the gathering with curious eye 
And stopped his dump-cart full of eggs uncrated, 
By friendy citizens to troops donated 
Just as Zed Rooster came upon the scene, 
As nude as Adam in lost Eden green, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 81 

Save trunks his middle round, and canvas shoes, 
Like those which boxers in their contests use. 
His form was graceful and his hardy legs 
Contrasted strongly with opponent's pegs. 
His manly face no sign of anger wore, 
While head, to toe, he scanned his rival o'er; 
Then to the center of the clearing paced, 
And with a smile his adversary faced. 

"Old man," said he, "I've no desire to rack 
Your slender limbs and venerable back, 
But oft presumptuous age a lesson needs, 
Ere wisdom's teaching it with profit heeds. 
Your years are many, yet with youthful fire 
The mind is charged, your courage I admire; 
And if a little bumping you endure, 
Perchance in future you'll be less cocksure. 
I'd die of shame to wring an old man's groans, 
And shall be careful of your senile bones, 
Yet this may folly curb and save again 
From rougher treatment by less kindly men. 
Say when you're ready and with gentle hands 
Unharmed I'll pin you to the yielding sands." 

"Thanks, sturdy mortal, for the good intention," 
The man replied, "I have no apprehension. 
From me you'll hear no cowardly appeals, 
For age of man, they say, is as he feels; 
And when we grapple, you perhaps may find 
My slender limbs as youthful as my mind. 
Your noble spirit I appreciate, 
Yet oft events predestined are by Fate, 
And tho you think that I a lesson need; 
Perhaps our meeting was by Jove decreed, 
For all unseen do gods mysterious plan 
To please or punish for the good of man. 
E'en tho you pity a demented head, 
'There's meaning in the madness,' oft is said, 
And coming evidence may yet attest, 
Whate'er the finish, the result was best. 
Tho you may seemingly vile treatment get, 
'Twill be experience you'll not regret. 



82 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



I'm ready now to grapple with a will 

And match my age with younger brawn and skill." 

Sholgastey listened with a wond'ring head 

To ev'ry word the hoary fellow said, 

And pondered deeply with suspicious thought 

That his appearance was with meaning fraught, 




And in some way mysteriously connected 
With Jovian miracle which he expected. 
He watched him closely as with movement spry, 
The stranger went his aged limbs to try. 

Next, crouching low like tigers for the spring, 
They circled round each other in the ring. 
The group was silent and Ben Jolphus feared 
For tangle-trouble with the old man's beard. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 83 

Zed Rooster saw a chance, then leaping bold, 
Essayed to grapple with familiar hold, 
But heard his rival with a laugh deride, 
When agile as a cat he stepped aside; 
Then with a lightning move he sprung behind 
And round Zed Rooster's waist his arms entwined. 
The fellow racked him with compressing pain 
With limbs of steel and efforts were in vain, 
While, like sad Sinbad, nearly choked to death, 
He panting gasped and struggled for his breath. 
Still squeezing hard, he raised him from the ground 
And to the standing cart did lightly bound, 
Then, ere astonished watchers could prevent, 
Into the load of eggs Zed splashing went. 
It seemed so funny, with spontaneous roar 
Mirth irrepressible was heard once more, 
As smeared with yolk, albumen, clinging shells, 
He rose unmindful of observers' yells. 
A good game sport had Zedekiah been, 
And quick the humor of his plight was seen, 
As nimbly hopping to the yielding earth, 
He scanned his body and gave way to mirth. 
Then, as the spaniel shakes the dripping hide, 
When from the swim he stands the stream beside, 
He with quick shaking scattered scrambled eggs 
Like dropping rain from torso, trunks and legs; 
Looked for the victor with the slender beard, 
Who unobserved had strangely disappeared, 
And said: "Gadzooks, I'll hand it to the fellow 
Who thus bestowed a bath of hen fruit yellow!" 
Then wisely turning to the ocean blue, 
O'er intervening dunes he sprinting flew, 
And from a cliff near echo-sounding caves, 
Plunged like shot arrow in the purple waves. 
The frightened seals jumped from adjacent rocks, 
And startled sea-gulls rose in screaming flocks; 
When, like a merman, on the billows he 
Splashed in the cleansing water of the sea. 
Afar he swam, and with the ebbing tide 
A fatal gap 'twixt shore was opened wide. 



84 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Pursuing friends arrived and called in vain 

To bring the swimmer to the beach again. 

He heeded not till Aeolus afar, 

Approached with sudden storm, return to bar, 

And pealing thunder when alas! too late, 

Betrayed the menace of impending fate. 

Down swept the gale, and turning to the beach, 

Against the tide he tried the shore to reach. 

Between the thunder-booms and flashing light, 

Sholgastey watched him in the billows white. 

With field-glass shielded from the mist and rain, 

He told the party what he saw with pain; 

While in the lashing waves and tempest's roar, 

Zed Rooster struggled to attain the shore. 

Now down between, now high on foaming crest, 

With natant skill he bravely did his best. 

But vain the effort and he felt at length, 

'Twould soon be over with departing strength; 

Thought of Arion, once by dolphins saved, 

When thrown to perish by a crew depraved; 

Then sighed for such and wished for protean power 

To make himself a sea-bird for an hour. 

Tossed by the waves, each moment weaker growing, 

He realized his life was surely going; 

Thought of Sholgastey's gods and called in vain 

For Jove to rescue from engulfing main, 

As he expiring sunk beneath the wave — 

And woke to life within a splendid cave. 

XVI. 
Zed Rooster stared bewildered at the sight 
Of spacious cavern* full of glowing light, 
And the wide entrance, arched, and ceiling high, 
With jewels studded held his wond'ring eye. 
The stony floor was covered o'er with sand 
White as the diamonds on queenly hand; 
And colored pebbles in the sand were strown 
Which kings might prize to ornament a throne. 
The sun was shining and the air was warm, 
While ocean vista showed no sign of storm. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 85 

Amazed he stood, revolving in his head 

The recent struggle in the tempest dread; 

When sounds of vocal music wildly sweet, 

Within the cave his startled ears did greet. 

In the direction of the chorus next 

He went with cautious tread and soul perplexed, 

Till going round concealing rocks he saw 

A scene magnificent which thrilled with awe. 

Another cavern of tremendous she 

And fairy beauty spread before his eyes. 

The floor was circular with pearls inlaid, 

And rich mosaic the design displayed, 

While ribb'd with colored shells from top to base, 

And jeweled panels, walls of matchless grace 

Rose like transcendent dome to lofty height 

And brightly glowed with iridescent light. 

In wondrous harmony was all designed 

With rarest beauty by some master mind. 

A spacious stage with splendid gems bedight, 

Above the pearly floor rose opposite, 

While golden steps that flashed with blinding sheen, 

On either side of the grand stage were seen. 

With back to wall a shell of massive size 

Full thirty feet above the stage did rise, 

And with prismatic tints resplendent blazed 

Upon a second elevation raised, I 

While on a dazzling throne its base before 

Some steps above the brilliant stage's floor, 

Sat Father Neptune, god of ocean wide, 

With Amphitrite sitting at his side. 

Each wore a sparkling coronal that shed 

A glowing halo round the wearer's head, 

And royal robes of style beyond compare, 

Designed by gods and fit for such to wear. 

His golden trident 'gainst the throne did rest, 

And flowing beard concealed the Sea-god's breast; 

While Tritons two, each herald and a guide, 

With sea-shell trumpets sat the throne beside, 

And half encircled were the royal twain 

By subject rulers of their wide domain. 



86 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

The shining floor held groups of sea-nymphs fair 
With coral beads and pearl-bejeweled hair, 
Who to the monarch warbled songs of love 
Which echoed grandly thru the dome above. 

Entranced Zed Rooster listened to the strains 
Of siren melody with puzzled brains; 
When Triton, pointing blew his sounding shell, 
And silence on the scene of glory fell. 
All eyes were turned where Zed was standing lone, 
Full fifty yards before the godly throne, 
While naked Nereids surprised surveyed 
The silent mortal with green trunks arrayed. 
He, too, dumfounded scanned the pretty faces 
Of ocean sirens with the lovely graces; 
Turned from the wond'ring groups of staring girls, 
Again to view the dome of shells and pearls; 
Surveyed the sparkling throne of king and queen, 
And stage magnificent with dazzling sheen; 
Thought of old fairy tales with mem'ry hazy, 
And wondered if he'd suddenly gone crazy. 

Again the trumpet-shell of Triton sounded, 
And moving groups his troubled head confounded, 
As in obedience to a signal strange, 
Across the floor two lines of nymphs did range. 
On either side they stood like fairies bright, 
With open passageway to stage of light. 
Next thru the vaulted cave a voice did ring: 
"Advance and give obeisance to the King!" 
Zed was a soldier, as before proclaimed, 
And ne'er in battle was by terror shamed. 
When thus commanded, fearlessly he trod 
To glowing stage and bowed before the god; 
The Queen saluted, then with heaving breast, 
And strange misgivings Neptune thus addressed: 

"O mighty ruler of the sweeping sea, 
And all within, if such you truly be! 
Are all these grand surroundings what they seem, 
Or I the victim of an insane dream? 
One hour ago, it seems, perhaps 'tis less, 
A pantaloon I did with wrestling press. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 87 

He boasting challenged and I kindly planned 

To teach a lesson with a gentle hand, 

But when we grappled, he my soul did feaze 

With iron grip and strength of Hercules. 

Quick as a springing cat he did appear, 

And round the middle caught me from the rear. 

Then when from crushing pain my breath was gone, 

He dropt me in a load of eggs forlorn. 

Besmeared with slime I ran with lively legs 

And plunged in ocean to remove the eggs. 

I swam afar till Vulcan's thunder pealed, 

And fast approaching hurricane revealed. 

Then, when too late my danger I discerned, 

To reach the shore I madly swimming turned. 

Vain were my efforts, the descending storm 

On angry billows rolled my struggling form, 

Yet as I madly 'gainst destruction strove, 

Appealed despairing to Almighty Jove; 

Then sank to death with bubbling gasps of pain, 

And in your splendid cave awoke again. 

O monarch of the stormy ocean drear, 

What is the meaning of my presence here?" 

"Mortal," the god replied, "by Jove's command 
You now before the throne of Neptune stand, 
And needed wisdom you must aptly learn, 
Ere to the haunts of men you may return. 
Your faults are many and you've been too prone 
To gather all the glory for your own, 
And frequent sounding of the pronoun, 'I,' 
Is heard with wrath on Mount Olympus high; 
For there the gods of old do yet prevail, 
Tho modern faiths with ridicule assail. 
They still preside and pleased to aid the few 
Remaining mortals to their altars true. 
So with Sholgastey who when sore distressed 
As foes victorious on his army pressed, 
Called to the olden gods, and Jovian aid 
With help of lesser gods the foes dismayed. 
Twice were his troops enabled to retreat 
And save Yankona from assured defeat. 



88 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Today you heard him still with faith declare 
That Jovian miracle defeat would spare, 
And Jove, approving to your council-tent, 
A god in mortal form with wisdom sent. 
You knew not this, but deemed the pantaloon 
A raving subject of the circling moon; 
Then with abusive speech his scheme decried 
As insult offered to your worldly pride. 
You know the sequel, needless to repeat, 
Yourself the victim of a lesson meet; 
For in no other way your stubborn head 
Could be impressed with what the stranger said. 

"Look to your country! where each woman rants 
On female rule and crowing wears the pants, 
While men, like henpecked roosters, meekly bear 
Their crazy dominance and mannish air. 
Each day he-women with their votes conspire 
To make the males submissively retire; 
Their loved tobacco or their wine suppress, 
And other pleasures which their leisure bless; 
Invoke blue laws and shrilling agitate 
To make men bend at altars which they hate, 
While politicians crawl and courts accurst, 
Embrace each chance io favor women first. 
This, in your nation we observe with scorn, 
Where shrews destroy the infants ere they're born, 
And strut with naked breasts and gauzy gowns, 
Without a blush, like women of the towns. 
Yet in Choopan whose people you decry, 
No waspish female dares her mate defy; 
Nor is by speech of rasping shrews induced 
To vain attempts above the male to roost. 
She, as decreed by gods of olden day, 
Takes second place, contented to obey; 
And should she try to boss is quickly yanked 
Across the the husband's knees and wisely spanked. 
From such chastisement there is no appeal, 
For 'tis conducive to the family weal, 
And there, race-suicide no husbands feaze — 
Now what's the matter with the Choopanese?" 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

So Neptune spoke with godly ascent mild 
To mortal listening to the words unriled, 
Who with respectful mien the monarch eyed, 
And with a steady voice he thus replied: 

"O mighty ruler, as I said before, 
If this majestic dome and pearly floor, 



89 




With all around me is a wondrous fact, 
And I no victim of a noddle cracked; 
It well befits my mortal voice to say 
Why sad Yankona would with Choops away. 
When first in parties small they came to dwell 
Upon our coast, the States received them well; 
Their thrift admired, and by industrious ways 
The 'little brown men* woni the people's praise. 



90 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

When lo! like ants that first despatch the scout 
To locate food, then homeward turn about, 
And soon returning bring a thousand more; 
So came the Choops upon our fated shore. 
Their farmers settled on our finest lands, 
With growing colonies of alien bands, 
Who clannish labored for themselves alone, 
With foreign ways and queerest tongue unknown. 
Where'er they settled citizens were vexed, 
Their fields abandoned, which the Choops annexed, 
And soon whole counties of our fairest state 
Likewise absorbed by Choopanese elate. 

"Next, Father Neptune, to my country's shame, 
Their so-called 'picture brides' in shiploads came. 
They bred like rabbits and each litter grew, 
Tho born as natives, to Nockhardo true, 
And oft in schools, defiant slant-eyed brat 
Has mocking at our nation's emblem spat. 
They never loyal citizens would be 
To any land but theirs beyond the sea. 
Where'er they wander o'er your trackless main, 
Distintcly Oriental they remain, 
And 'tis as difficult to change their ways, 
As ice to freeze beneath Sol's tropic rays. 
They are unfitted for assimilation 
With sons and daughters of Caucasian nation. 
When settled once, they crowd all others out, 
Dwell by themselves and for Nockhardo shout, 
And breed so fast that in a few years more 
Will, if unchecked, annex our western shore. 

"Tho my reflections on the race be true, 
They've many virtues which commend them, too. 
Their students coming from Choopan are bright, 
They dress with neatness and are courteous quite. 
Their homes are cleanly and at household shrine 
They all give homage to their prods divine. 
They love their ch : Idren, and tho spanking wives, 
As you have said, may sometimes jar their lives; 
The world enraptured views their matchless Art, 
Which thrills with pleasure ev'ry artist's heart. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 91 

Good soldiers, too, they patriotic fight 

For king and country be they wrong or right; 

But shrewd as foxes, cunningly await 

Till well prepared to strike with warlike hate; 

Then, like a thunderbolt from cloudless skies, 

Their chosen enemy with war surprise. 

And so with us, while fools in Congress slept 

Like brainless asses, they like tigers leapt, 

And what the finish of the fight shall be, 

Ye gods may know, 'tis riddle deep to me." 

Thus spoke the mortal of the Choopanese, 

And his oration seemed the gods to please; 

As King and court, the talking mortal heard 

With friendly looks and no reproving word. 

Next, taking breath, with emphasis he swore 

His tale was true and craved a few words more. 

"Proceed," said Neptune, "yet before you start, 
We'll have a song to cheer your mortal heart, 
And strains of beauty thru my dome shall ring 
While Amphitrite's ocean maidens sing. 
Then waved the glorious Queen her sparkling wand, 
To which the naked girls did quick respond, 
And many voices, each like silver bell, 
With sweet vibrations did melodious swell. 
Like the wild music which responsive rings 
When gentle zephyrs kiss Aeolian strings, 
Now high, now low, like a fine organ pealing, 
It rolled from pearly floor to paneled ceiling. 
Now far away, now ringing sweetly near, 
Entrancing strains with finest rhythm clear, 
Zed Rooster listened to, his heart afire 
With admiration for the thrilling choir, 
Who seemed oblivious of his presence while 
Their wondrous melody did all beguile. 
No tone discordant marr'd the charming notes 
That sweetly rolled from fascinating throats 
Until the finish of a dying strain, 
When Amphitrite waved the wand again. 
Then all was silence and Zed, slightly dazed, 
Turned to the stage which still with glory blazed, 



92 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Then to the siren singers of the wave, 

And bowed his thanks for pleasure which they gave. 

"Ye Gods!" he cried, "ere this no human ear 
Such splendid music in the world did hear, 
Nor Lorelei's fair siren of the Rhine 
Could charm her hearers with such notes divine. 
We have our divas on the Thespian stage, 
Who trilling sweetly, mortal cares assuage. 
But oft the melody is harshly marr'd 
And nerves of audience severely jarr'd, 
When fashion calls for fool accompaniment 
Of thumping tones from noisy instrument, 
And fine vibrations of the voice are drowned 
By loud piano with disturbing sound, 
And boist'rous banging of the dreaming ass 
Whose tuneless fingers o'er the keyboard pass. 
This many a moment of annoyance brings 
When some great warbler to the public sings, 
But here, one note of sweet unaided voice 
Would make a listening seraph's heart rejoice. 

"Now, heavenly monarch, as you've granted time 
For further speech before your court sublime, 
And as Your Majesty with godly wit 
Has deigned the women of my land to hit, 
And with rebuking words of scorn expressed 
Your disapproval of the way they're dressed; 
Disdain the meek submission of the men 
To domination of pants-wearing hen; 
Suggest the punishment of wife by man, 
With postern spanking as in far Choopan: 
Such, Lord of Ocean, in Choopan might go, 
Where all the women are of stature low, 
And weigh so lightly that a man with ease 
May turn them over and with shingle tease; 
But by the holy smoke! 'twould never pay 
For lost Yankona's males to get so gay. 
The dames would riot and from shore to shore 
Would rise an angry Amazonian roar. 
By many a giantess with four-ply head, 
And female sluggers would the wives be led, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 93 

While hapless husbands would be roughly hauled 
Across big barrels and with broomsticks mauled; 
Nor would the tumult of their rage be hushed 
Till al! Yankona's men were fiercely crushed. 
There, 'tis too late for men to turn, by heck! 
The female voters have them by the neck. 

"Yet there are women in my nation who 
Are sweet companions and to virtue true. 




Who love the home and shun the hen-conventions, 

While wearing modest clothes with pure intentions. 

But when you criticize with godly frowns, 

Our mortal women with the gauzy gowns; 

I beg to question why so many here 

Before your throne with nakedness appear, 

And all around me, gloriously fair, 

Are beauties wearing only heads of hair — ?" 

"Stop!" cried the monarch, as with trident's end 
He thumped the stage, "ere you the gods offend. 



94 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

No mortal here may hand sarcastic stuff, 
And of such twaddle we have heard enough! 
These deathless nymphs are ignorant of shame 
As known to humans racked with passion's flame, 
And breast with innocence my waves that swell, 
Belov'd by Jove and minor gods as well. 
But man you are, and ill for human clods 
Who dare to criticise the ways of gods! 
Jove sent you hither thru the stormy foam 
To carry wisdom to the fools at home, 
And his commands all other gods obey, 
So wisely listen while I have my say: 

"Yours is a wretched nation, curst by greed, 
With racial hatred and conflicting creed; 
Where ev'ry noble impulse is suppressed 
And peace destroyed by gold's debasing quest; 
While in Choopan whose immigrants you scorn, 
We see no semblance of your land forlorn. 
There, home is sacred, and the simple lives 
Blest by good children and unmannish wives. 
The girls are pretty and the boys are brave, 
And 'gainst the men no ranting females rave; 
While to their ancient gods the people cling, 
With due respect for country and the King. 
Yet is Yankona to their virtues blind, 
And thrifty Choopanese no welcome find; 
And better far the race with pride disdain 
Your land and wisely in their own remain. 
So think the gods, who point the way to save 
Your hapless nation from their legions brave. 
Yet tho the gods assist you, they contemn 
The shallow judgment of your ruling men — 
The drooling, dozing dolts, devoid of sense, 
Too blind and stingy to provide defense! 

"Return to Sisco and your colleagues tell 
Of Neptune's counsel and impress it well. 
Tho doubting mortals may the scheme deride, 
The plan proposed will help you when applied, 
And Choops distracted will with horror fly 
From loaded pots descending from the sky. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 95 

Now, ere you leave us and to mortals go, 
A sign to prove the visit, I'll bestow; 
And charged with Vulcan's fire, my trident hot 
Shall brand its impress on your covered spot." 
Then quick as lightning on Zed Rooster's rear, 
The brand indelible did Neptune sear. 
Then all grew somber as a midnight tomb, 
As gods and beauty vanished in the gloom; 
While fearful sounds as if the dome were rent 
By temblor shocks, a chill of horror sent, 
And sunk the cavern as an awful crash 
Came with a thunder-boom and lightning-flash. 
Then daylight broke and struggling once again, 
Half dazed he floated on the foaming main. 
Too weak to swim, he felt his form upheld 
By unseen hands and to the coast propelled; 
Then went unconscious to perceive no more 
Until awakened on John Shy ram's shore. 

XVII. 
Meanwhile, Sholgasty watching with his glass 
Had seen Zed Rooster 'neath the billows pass, 
And sadly grieving did the group inform 
Of tragic finish in the raging storm. 
Loud as the wind their lamentations rang, 
And all were racked by sorrow's stinging pang. 
"Alas!" Bill Possum sobbed, "that such an end 
Should be the fate of our illustr'ous friend. 
Sad is my heart and copious the tears 
My eyes will shed in Mem'ry's urn for years," 
"And I," John Shyram wailed, "shall also mourn 
The friend departed to his final bourn. 
Whate'er his faults, his heart was ever right, 
Kind to his friends and noble in a fight, 
And tho at times he had a wilful head, 
No underhanded tricks were played by Zed. 
Once on a road adjacent to Salt Creek — " 

"Stop!" yelled Will Byrno, "of that stream don't 
speak, 
For oft the mentioning of that foul river, 
To worthy people brings a painful shiver. 



96 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Poor Zed has gone, the parting gives us pain, 
But cold the wind and heavy is the rain. 
It would be wise to yonder cave retire 
And dry our clothing near a driftwood fire; 
For pluvial drenching with attendant chills 
Precede the patient's bed and doctor's bills." 

Quick to the cave Sholgastey led the way, 
Where drifted fuel in abundance lay. 
Soon match applied and flaring flames relieved 
Corporeal numbness, tho their spirits grieved. 
They talked of Zedekiah and with wailings 
Extolled his virtues and forgot his failings, 
And verbal pictures unreserved did paint 
To show the lost with likeness of a saint. 
Chief Hite reproved them when he spoke and said: 
"It's always thus when speaking of the dead. 
Before the parting we are ever prone 
To slight their merits and no fault condone, 
But when upon the folded hands we gaze, 
'Tis then we give exaggerated praise, 
And stung by conscience, mourners oft heart-broken 
Regret the cruel words to sleepers spoken; 
When if to living they'd more kindness show, 
There'd be less weeping when the loved ones go. 
Time swiftly flies, and scarce an hour the span 
Since lost Zed Rooster struggled with his man. 
Now sorrow stings me for our thoughtless wit 
When he the eggs in loaded dump-cart hit, 
And then went sprinting to untimely death, 
While we pursued with laughs and panting breath. 
Uncanny seem the day's events to me — 
I wonder who the strong old man mav be." 

The thunder doomed and shrieked the wind outside, 
When Captain Jinks, staff officer replied: 
"My eyes were fixed upon the vacant soot 
Where he apD eared as black as inky blot, 
And by my hope of future life, I swear 
That iust before he spoke, no man was there! 
Hp, like a phantom, out of nothing came 
With hollow voice and eyes of lambent flame." 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 97 

"True," said Jack Spratt, the horsemen's leader 
brave, 
"May I be tumbled in a soldier's grave, 
And my freed soul in flaming hell be cast, 
If the tall stranger thru the entrance passed. 
I sat with watchful eyes the portal near, 
And guarded well least interlopers hear. 
Tho my opinion may perchance surprise, 
I think the man a devil in disguise." 
He'd scarcely finished when again appeared 
The winning wrestler with the silv'ry beard. 
Tall and commanding by the fire he stood 
With silken cloak and head-inclosing hood. 
No rainy moisture on his garb was seen, 
Which in the firelight glowed with ruddy sheen. 
His age had vanished and with potent spell, 
Stern glances on the startled lookers fell; 
While all were by mysterious fear oppressed, 
As he with haughty voice the group addressed: 

"O puny creatures of the finite mind, 
Too oft by folly led, to wisdom blind! 
Devoid of prescience o'er small ills you brood, 
And fear arbiters of your greatest good. 
Unseen around you there are potent friends 
Who in mysterious ways promote your ends, 
And seeming evils which you blindly fear; 
Time oft reveals as blessings sent to cheer. 
'Gainst Jove's decree all human art is vain, 
And there's a reason for your present pain. 
I told your leader that experience great 
For him awaited prearranged by Fate. 
You'll find him lying on the wave-washed sands, 
Cold is his blood and nerveless are his hands. 
Should he revive, whate'er the tale he tell, 
However wild, with wisdom hearken well; 
And with the scheme to enemies applied. 
You'll nevermore Sholgastey's gods deride. 
Go, scan the beach where Neptune's billows dash!" 
He said and vanished like a lightning-flash. 



98 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



Stunned was the group, and speechless with surprise 
Their ears they doubted, disbelieved their eyes. 
He came so suddenly and went so quick, 
That some believed the visitor "Old Nick." 
No so Sholgastey, who at once believed 
Him sent by Jove, and miracle conceived. 
He ran regardless of the soaking rain 
And swept the beach beside the frothy main. 




There on the sand perceived a silent form 
Washed by the waves and beaten by the storm. 
Strong were Sholgastey's limbs, his college days 
Had schooled him nicely in athletic ways. 
Fast to the cavern he the body bore 
And laid it gently on the rocky floor. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 99 

Again the group astonished saw the friend 
They thought was lost and hastened to attend. 
A handy barrel in the cave they found, 
And rolled him gently o'er the stony ground. 
■q Next on an overcoat beside the fire 
* , They with hand rubbing, toiling did perspire, 
And with the friction and the warming flame, 
Soon to the skin a normal color came. 
Will Bryno took some grape juice from his coat — 
His private flask — and poured it down his throat. 
The hero coughed, then with a sorry face 
He opened eyes and looked around the place; 
Bewildered stared and then exclaimed: "Oh hell! 
A new illusion of a changeful spell. 
With fact or fancy I am sorely vexed, 
And think I'll waken in a madhouse next. 
Where is the brilliant dome of shells and pearls, 
The throne cf Neptune and the naked girls?" 
Upright he sat and madly felt his head, 
Then pinched himself with spots of bloody red. 
Next wifh Will Bryno's help he stood erect, 
Tore off the trunks which still his middle decked, 
And asked the watching friends, "Can you discern 
A trident's burnt impression on my stern?" 

"Yes," said Ben Jolphus, "it is plainly there, 
And scorched likewise your trunks beyond repair. 
Burnt deep with heat intense it seems to be, 
From which your skin may nevermore be free," 

"Then," said Zed Rooster, "roll that barrel near 
And I'll be seated while my tale you hear. 
Sholgastey's right! The gods of olden times 
Reward for virtues and chastise for crimes. 
But ere I speak, inform me what befell 
Since I was swallowed by the foaming rwell." 

Beside the fire he heard the story told 
Of how he vanished in the ocean coM: 
Of their distress. Will Brvno's wi?^ direction 
To seek the cavern for their health's protection; 
Of stranger's cominor, his advice, how quick 
His disappearance like a juggler's trick. 



100 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Then of Sholgastey's running from the cave, 
His quick return and how they worked to save. 
All was related to astounded Zed, 
Who listened gravely with a dizzy head. 

"Now, friends," said he, "I'll tell a truthful story 
That beats all fairy tales and legends hoary, 
And when you hear each incident exact, 
Think not my reason's gone or brain is cracked. 
Tho strange the narrative, 'tis truth sincere, 
As proved by Neptune's brand upon my rear. 

"My distant ancestors were warlike Jews 
Who more of battling thought perhaps than pews, 
And atavism's probably the cause 
For lack of faith and love of bloody wars. 
But now I'm changed, hereafter be my care 
To bend my knees and give due time to prayer, 
And where I sail the seas or mountains rove, 
I'll Neptune honor and shall worship Jove. 
But look! The storm subsides, bright Sol appears 
And thru the clouds with warming glory cheers. 
Now for my story, let the gods on high 
Olympus crush me if I breathe a lie I" 

He then related how his life went out 
With call to Jove, his last despairing shout; 
Awaking next within a wondrous cave, 
With jewels gleaming near the sunlit wave. 
Spell-bound they listened when he told of singing, 
With echoes sweet of siren music ringing, 
Which charmed and lured him to the brilliant dome 
Where mighty Neptune ruled his royal home. 
All that he saw, grand stage and glowing shell, 
King, Queen, and court, and nymphs he pictured well. 
He told how Neptune censured for his ways — 
For love of prominence and liking praise; 
Betrayed the stranger of the council-tent, 
As demigod from Mount Olympus sent 
To teach him lesson of humiliation, 
With rough experience to help the nation. 
He told of Neptune's biting words of scorn 
For whorelike garments by some women worn; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 101 

How he condemned submission of the men 
To domination of pants-wearing hen, 
And by comparison suggested yanking 
Across the husbands' knees and postern spanking. 
He also told of Neptune's strong approval 
Of pot propulsion for the Choops' removal, 
And how with lightning speed, the royal hand 
With heated scepter placed the proving brand. 
He then described the change to darkness deep, 
The crashing horror and the billows' sweep, 
With sense of hands upholding on the main; 
Then darkness till he woke with friends again. 

"Wow!" cried Bill Possum when the story ended, 
"It is a narrative both weird and splendid, 
Yet, truth or fancy, all the world will doubt, 
And mocking cynics with loud laughter flout." 

"Who," Ben Jolphus asked, "would mock the story 
When Zed's posteriors bear the brand of glory, 
And eyes of all may easily behold 
The mark of Neptune's burning prongs of gold?" 

"Ha! ha!" the lawyer laughed with mirthful tears, 
"That's the best joke that I have heard for years. 
I see in fancy, our famed hero, Zed, 
Parading nude with halo round his head, 
With proud exposure of his postern side, 
Convincing doubters who the tale deride. 
'Twould surely be a most inspiring sight — 
What's your opinion, wise Police Chief Hite?" 

"Well," Hite replied, "altho the story's tough, 
To prove its truth I think we've had enough. 
We saw the stranger in the tent appear 
Like a black phantom springing from the air, 
And giant strength was unexpected shown 
When strong Zed Rooster in the cart was thrown. 
We also saw the struggling swimmer drown 
When the wild hurricane came sweeping down. 
Next in the cavern, like a flash of light, 
The stranger burst upon our startled sight; 
Advised us well, told where he helpless lay, 
Then quick as rifle-shot he passed away. 



102 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

How man 'gainst storm and tide unhelped could float 

To land, is strange. Events have 'got my goat!' 

It seems a kindly miracle of God, 

And so I'll think while I'm above the sod." 

"I also think it," said Sholgastey, "and 
'Tis true that Zed has got a godly brand. 
We'll try the remedy which gods advise, 
For Jove is with us and the scheme is wise. 
Pneumatic guns now in the fort can throw 
At each discharge six pots upon the foe, 
And ev'ry chamber in the town we'll seiz;e 
To fill with terror for the Choopanese, 
When raining down, they burst with fecal splash, 
The stuff will settle brave Hel Jaygo's hash. 
The gods desire it and our faith we'll show 
When flying chamber-mugs with vengeance go. 
Whate'er the world may think about such shot, 
Thanks to fool Congressmen, 'tis all we've got, 
And all we'll ever get for future wars, 
While peaceful asses make the nation's laws, 
And preach disarmament, like brainless fools, 
When other nations train with martial schools." 

"Right," said John Shyram, "they're alone to blame 
For unpreparedness with its present shame. 
As drowning swimmers grasp the floating straw, 
We'll seize the hope and prosecute the war. 
Pots seem our only remedy to be, 
And if the gods are true, the Choops will flee. 
Let's to the council tent reflecting hike, 
And lay the plans to stinking terror strike. 
The sun is shining and the rain no more 
With drenching fury beats upon the shore." 
They placed an overcoat on naked Zed, 
And campward traveled with a lively tread. 

XVIII 
Zed Rooster felt a twinge of burning pain 
On branded buttocks when he dressed again, 
But pleased with Neptune, he the smarting bore, 
And swore he'd love the Sea-god evermore. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 103 

Then to the council-tent he quick proceeded, 

And there with pleasure saw a meal much needed; 

Where hungry comrades not a bean would eat 

Until the hero took the waiting seat. 

Then corned beef hash and good nutritious beans 

Were stowed with cheer inside the slackened jeans. 

On many subjects did discussion range, 

But centered most on Zed's experience strange; 

Then on the prospects of a future life, 

With gods and churches and sectarian strife. 

Warm the discussion, various the views, 

And yet no creed was singled for abuse; 

But, like broad-minded men, opinions given 

Of all religions with their hope for heaven. 

Ben Jolphus listened and no word addressed, 

But answered thus when by John Shyram pressed: 

"Creeds are the shackles which for countless years 
Have warped the mind and filled the world with tears; 
Have blocked progression and the truth suppressed, 
And reason checked, as hist'ry does attest. 
On the dim records of dark ages gone, 
They've left the stains of massacres forlorn, 
When mad fanatics with religious zeal 
And fiendish fury plied the bloody steel. 
Still in the present age such crime we see, 
Where creed-bound Islam slays with pious glee, 
While butchered thousands die with horrors red, 
And zealots gloat above each severed head. 
Creed wreaks with ruthless hands its vile abuse 
In bloody ways on unoffending Jews, 
And in our nation there are fools who strive 
Creed-hate of olden times to here revive. 
While praising each preferred denomination, 
And branding others pathways to damnation. 

"I bow the head at no sectarian shrine, 
Vet still revere a godlv power divine; 
A wondrous Spirit with all-seeing eye 
Who marks not time with eons rolling by, 
And rules the wide and limitless expanse 
Of starry space and views it at a glance. 



104 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Oft in the silence of the solemn night, 

Entranced I view the constellations bright; 

Muse on the beauty of a brilliant star 

That warms its circling worlds in depths afar; 

Think of the countless billions far in space 

Beyond the range of telescope to trace; 

Of flaming nebula and forming world, 

And blazing comets thru the ether hurled — 

An awful sight, a mystery sublime, 

For wond 'ring mortals thru eternal time! 

Then moved to worship, I implore the grace 

Of the great guider of all things in space, 

And 'neath the gloried arch of heaven, alone 

I bend with rev'rence to the Great Unknown. 

Creation's Lord must surely with disgust 

Observe our little globe of cosmic dust, 

Where persecution in religion's name, 

Makes sickened Conscience shiver with the shame. 

"The voice of Conscience is a glowing ray 
Of light divine which marks the righteous way, 
And if mad mortals would its promptings heed, 
There'd be less hatred born of church and creed. 
But mankind ever dreads the grave, all die 
With hope for bliss beyond the mystic sky, 
And Faith's a priceless gift to humans given, 
Which checks despair and cheers with thoughts of 

heaven. 
Tho I no churchly creed my own may call, 
Whate'er their teachings, I respect them all; 
For they to many light the somber gloom 
Which shades the passage to the dreaded tomb. 

"The Golden Rule has ever been my pride, 
My creed is Love, and Conscience is my guide. 
Right, is my watchword as thru life I plod, 
And trust in kindness of Almighty God." 
He pleased his hearers, and with animation 
Thev praised his sentiment and peroration. 

"Great!" said John Shyram. "Your belief is fine, 
And 'twould be well if all would so incline; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 105 

For more of Golden Rule and less of creeds, 
It seems to me is what the planet needs. 
Now, having eaten, let us clear the board 
And study plans to beat the foreign horde." 
Soon pans removed, they round the table sat 
And weighed the matter with reflective chat. 

"Now," said Bill Possum, "tho the scheme is queer, 
We must to orders of the gods adhere, 
And the first subject for official thoughts, 
Is how to get and fill the needed pots. 
To tell the public of the scheme's unwise, 
For Choops might hear it from their native spies, 
And stubborn women may refuse to yield 
Their useful mugs unless the need's revealed. 

"Tho charming women I shall ever praise, 
They're puzzling creatures with capricious ways. 
Today we find them wearing happy smiles, 
Discussing babies or the coming styles. 
They then, like angels in the homes appear, 
With gentle graces which to all endear. 
Tomorrow finds them in a diff'rent mood, 
With spleeny glare and souls with wrath imbued, 
Disturbed by fitting of a new-made dress, 
Or trifling troubles which their souls distress; 
While men, poor devils! must their whims abide 
And bear with meekness till the storms subside. 

"They're never easy on a fellow's purse, 
While groaning husbands for the bills disburse. 
Ice cream and candy they're forever buying, 
And next believe with belly-ache they're dying. 
We find them hopeful, gloomy, loving, vicious, 
Deceiving, truthful, jealous, meretricious — 
A puzzling riddle man may never solve 
While stars exist or circling worlds revolve. 
And yet, whatever, while this life I live, 
I'll praise their virtues and their faults forgive; 
For lovely woman, taken as a friend 
Is a great blessing to man's mortal end. 
Yet when you go to gather pots, I fear 
Rebellious females may resentful jeer, 



106 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

And should obdurate dames the mugs withhold, 
The law would countenance no seizure hold. 
We cannot take them without legal process, 
And if we do are liable for losses." 

"Hell!" Sholgastey cried, "in time of war 
'Tis vain to quibble over points of law, 
And if a few unpatriotic shrews 
To yield their bed-room crockery refuse; 
We'll seize each thunder-mug, at once receipt it, 
And make the selfish owners quickly beat it. 
Chief Hite can bands of officers detail, 
And 'gainst them women's wrath would not prevail." 

"Nay!" the chief exclaimed, "no single soul 
Upon my force would gather in a bowl. 
To handle chamber-pots they'd all decline, 
And if so ordered would their jobs resign." 

"My boys," Sholgastey said, "are heroes brave 
Who'll make all sacrifice their land to save. 
I'll send them out the crockery to gather, 
And they'll collect it with but little blather. 
Leave it to me! They'll come without delay, 
For where there is a will there is a way!" 

"But," spoke Will Byrno with a tone dejected, 
"Let us assume that pots have been collected 
And in the camp are piled in massive hill, 
Then who the empty mugs with muck will fill; 
Seal on the covers, tie with binding wire 
To stand the shock propulsion will require ? 
It seems to be a shocking 1 service, sure, 
And tough the nostrils that could such endure." 

"That," said Zed Rooster "is a query wise, 
The job is one a polecat would despise, 
And any soldier would protest till hoarse 
Against employment at a job so coarse. 
E'en tho the nation to the Devil went, 
I ne'er would be to such a duty sent, 
And would no comrade of our ranks accuse 
If he rebelling did such work refuse. 
But as the gods advise such action, then, 
Perhaps they'll aid us and provide the men." 



THE SILGE OF SISCO 107 

Then spoke the Burgomaster: "Friends fear not! 
We've men who'll ne'er refuse to fill a pot. 
Our city long has had big gangs employed 
With torpid noses by no stench annoyed. 
They, nasty vapors with no plaint endure, 
When cleaning cesspool or congested sewer. 
Led by Jim Freedun of the Board of Works, 
No man among them duty ever shirks. 
Whate'er the job, however vile the smell, 
They know the service and perform it well. 
To Freedun's orders they'll give willing ear — 
Pray send a messenger and bring him here." 

Fast went the courier, and Freedun came 
To hear Ben Jolphus his desire proclaim; 
Smiled when he listened to the queer request, 
Then laughed aloud, believing 'twas a jest. 
He was a slender man of stature tall, 
And peaceful nature, not inclined to brawl. 
His pate was hairless and his face likewise, 
Red was his nose and spectacled his eyes, 
And soft his voice, yet positive its tone 
To public servants whom he ruled alone; 
While to his friend, the Burgomaster, he 
A faithful henchman ever tried to be. 
Long had he held his profitable place, 
Increasing riches by his master's grace, 
And often wrath in many hearts created 
With special taxes in his office rated. 
Tho not a saint, he knelt in Sunday mass 
At Father Holey's altar-rail of brass. 

Brief was the smile Jim Freedun's features wore, 
Ben Jolphus frowned, and then he laughed no more; 
But calmly uttered: "By the holy smoke! 
I thought the work you mentioned was a joke. 
But as you serious seem, whate'er the reason, 
I'll find the men to load them without sneezin'. 
My gangs are ready when 'tis your desire 
To fill the chamber-pots and bind with wire." 
"Enough," Ben Jolphus said, "let lips be sealed 
And to no ear our secret plans revealed. 



108 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Go, tell Joe Chawmess, City Engineer, 
To speed the gas-car and to hasten here." 

Joe Chawness came and with a thoughtful pate, 
He heard Ben Jolphus strange events relate; 
Tell of the god's advice to beat Choopan, 
And asked his aid to execute the plan. 
He was an engineer for skill renowned, 
With head for wisdom famed the world around, 
Whose great achievements in his chosen line 
Had made his name with showy luster shine. 
He now Ben Jolphus with amazement heard, 
Explain a project which he deemed absurd; 
Surmised a joke, looked round the table where 
Each mirthless eye gazed with expectant stare, 
And still believing it a frame-up jest, 
He wiped his nose and thus the course expressed: 

"I've little faith in fecal ammunition 
To help Yankona in its bad position. 
But, as you say the gods its use decree, 
Ere from foes our nation shall be free; 
I'll heed the edict of the powers on high, 
And give suggestions to the scheme apply. 
First get the muck-pots, fill them up and seal, 
Prepared to hurl from catapults of steel. 
I'll draw the plans to build them in a day, 
With power to fling the missiles miles away. 
These wisely placed behind the wall can throw 
A rain of thunder-mugs upon the foe. 
Next drain the park's big irrigation tank, 
And fill with liquid filth of odor rank. 
Then with the pipes which irrigate the lawn 
Before the wall, connect on battle morn. 
If charging Choopanese the green should gain, 
Turn on the deluge of malod'rous rain. 
If what you've stated of their faith is true, 
They'll run distracted from the filth you strew. 
Then, when they horror-struck retreating flee, 
Here is a plan to drive them in the sea: 
Strong auto-trucks with tanks and pumps prepare, 
To hurl vile streams of liquid in the air. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 109 

When with big nozzles you their lines assail, 

Their limbs will tremble and their faces pale. 

Each Choop^nese will drop encumb'ring gun, 

And with altrm to cleansing ocean run; 

While brave Sholgasty may with troops pursue, 

And make Hei Jaygo his invasion rue. 

All this, of course, if true the words you've said 

About their horror of foul skins when dead. 

If this succeeds, it may all tactics change 

For future wars when foes in battle range; 

While coming bards with tuneful tongues may sing 

Of winning heroes who vile ordure sling. 

We've nothing else, thanks to the Government, 

That may in battle 'gainst the foe be sent; 

And, tho confessing that its worth I doubt, 

If gods are truthful, it will foemen rout." 

So spoke the engineer, who courteous bowed 
And scanned his hearers as he laughed aloud. 
He still believed the plan a droll conceit, 
And not intended for the foe's defeat. 
Not so with others who with admiration 
Arose and whelmed him with congratulation. 
They crowded round and slapped him on the back, 
And shook his hands until the nails turned black; 
Extolled his genius and his learning praised 
With grateful voices which he heard half dazed. 

"To drafting-room at once!" Ben Jolphus said, 
"And plans for catapults on paper spread. 
Draw the designs for pumps and battle-truck 
To squirt big streams of terrifying muck. 
Arrange the reservoir, with pipes connect, 
And all requirements for the scheme direct. 
See that essentials are well made and tried, 
Ere we attempt to squelch Hel Jaygo's pride. 
On your great genius our success depends, 
With helping wisdom which Olympus sends." 

Then spoke Sholgastey, when Joe Chawmess went: 
"Tomorrow morn my heroes shall be sent 
Around the city in determined squads 
To gather pots, obedient to the gods. 



110 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Then you, Ben Jolphus of the kindly heart, 

To bring them hither may provide each cart; 

Or to the place Jim Freedun may reveal, 

Where cesspool cleaners shall fill up and seal. 

Meanwhile, I'll plat the streets before I nap, 

And mark the cliff' rent routes upon the map; 

Then carbon copies for the teamsters trace, 

So that each team be ready at the place. 

I think 'twould also be the proper caper 

To print due notice in each evening paper, 

And all the people of the move advise, 

Lest nervous women tremble with surprise; 

For chamber-pots, you know, are sometimes found 

In no condition to be handed round." 

They all approved it as a duty clear 

To give fair notice and arouse no fear, 

And fast the warning to the journals went 

For night editions, with a horseman sent. 

Thus went the day with ev'ry subject weighed, 

And scheme arranged to see the gods obeyed ; 

Till after sunset they adjourned the meeting, 

And left the council-tent with friendly greeting, 

XIX 

With cloudless morning, Sol with ruddy glow 
Again illumed the waking world below; 
Beamed bright on Sisco's half -deserted homes, 
And tinted gilded minarets and domes. 
Calm was the ocean, and the burnished waves 
With pleasing echoes lapped the beach and caves; 
While scented dells with sweet vibrations rang 
Where careless birds their happy carols sang. 
Loud rolled the noisy drums- the soldiers woke 
And bankets rolled with mirth and ready joke, 
To once again the dull routine pursue 
Of martial drilling which all troops must do. 
Three hours elapsed and their good leader then 
To gather pots, despatched his bravest men. 
Each squad was led, the women's hearts to reach, 
By smoothest talkers with seductive speech; 






THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

To nicely plead if dame with wrathful eye 
Repel the callers and the pots deny. 
Altho no battle had their hearts dismayed, 
No burning zeal the marching squads displayed, 
And all would rather with the Choops engage 
Than face the fury of a woman's rage. 
But they were soldiers and with valor went 
To do or die where their loved leader sent, 



111 




While all were wondering with heads perplexed; 
When pots were gathered, what the use was next. 
That was a secret which but few should know, 
Till came the time to hurl them at the foe. 

On thru the blocks, the hardy heroes trod 
To place appointed for each sep'rate squad, 
Where wagons ready for the queer collection 
Were waiting by Ben Jolphus' wise direction. 
Next rang a bugle-blast each house before, 
With ring of bell or rapping on the door. 



112 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Tho press of yesterday bad well apprised, 
The blushing dames appeared to be surprised. 
Some to their sleeping-rooms at once retired 
And brought the vessels which the men desired; 
While others valued painted mugs concealed 
Till searching braves the hiding-place revealed. 
Some asked the reason for the strange demand, 
Eire they reluctantly fine pots did hand; 
While sev'ral mugs, some without question gave 
With patriotic pride, their land to save. 

"How now!" cried one, a pretty little dame 
With ruby hair, like aureole of flame. 
"Pray tell me, soldier, what am I do 
When my young children to their training true, 
Arise at night for natural relief 
In those two pots you're seizing like a thief?" 
The blushing youth replied: "O blame me not! 
My orders bid me gather ev*ry pot. 
So you must yield and do the best you may 
With cans or buckets that may come your way, 
With woman's wit you'll find a way, I guess, 
To help the kiddies and relieve distress." 

Another lady near her cottage door 
Clung to a pot and loudly did deplore. 
With lachrymary flow and reddened eyes, 
Declared that fondly she the mug did prize, 
Loved by herself and deceased husband, who 
As good nocturnal friend had found it true, 
And said, while vision her hot tears did dim; 
"I never see it but to think of him." 
She further stated while was clasped to breast, 
The treasured object of the soldiers' quest, 
That 'neath ancestral beds it long had been 
"A valued heirloom with no smudge unclean" 
And to her mother's great grandfather's sire, 
"It was a wedding-gift from noble squire." 
Much more she said with mournful mouthing loud, 
Which quickly brought a big and curious crowd, 
Who all with mixed emotions saw and heard 
The widow's tears and each appealing word. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 113 

High in the middle of the crowd there stood 
A man with kindly face and aspect good, 
Upon whose beardless features, plainly writ 
Was shrewd intelligence and prudent wit. 
He raised his silken hat to wipe his pate, 
Perspiring some, but filled with knowledge great, 
And, like John Shyram's, stocked with legal lore 
Which brought bim patronage and golden store. 
Oft in the courts his eloquence had won 
Release for clients who had murder done, 
When senile jurors with red weeping eyes, 
He with his silv'ry speech did hypnotize; 
While round the nation, by the trump of fame, 
Was loudly echoed learned Dan Shortcake's name. 
He was a lodge man, bound by oath of steel 
To list to widows who for help appeal. 
Now to the front he pressed and all gave way 
Well pleased to hear what Shortcake had to say. 
He lost no time, but dropping to the street, 
Hat, cane, and overcoat beside his feet; 
Exposed a brow intelligent and fine, 
Extending from the eyebrows to the spine. 
He eyed the woman, for her pot distressed, 
Turned to soldier boys and thus addressed: 

"O bold defenders who before me stand, 
The noblest, bravest fellows in the land; 
Who, true to country, bear your arms of steel, 
Willing to perish for Yankona's weal. 
Brave guardians of our homes and babies sweet, 
Of mothers dear and tots with toddling feet, 
Young brothers, sisters, youth and hoary age; 
Your names and deeds shall live on hist'ry's page, 
And also shine with glowing words of love, 
In golden records of the realms above. 
'Tis not my wish, O hardy heroes dear, 
To turn from duty which has called you here; 
Yet there are times when men may banish pride, 
And rightly from small duties turn aside. 

"This woman, wailing o'er her treasured pot, 
Link'd with the past and mem'ries ne'er forgot: 



114 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Thinks of the husband who her smiles enjoyed, 
And oft at night the cherished mug employed. 
Then died, and passing to the world unknown, 
Left her to sorrow on this globe alone. 
She's to be pitied, and the mug so dear, 
Should here remain, her lonely heart to cheer. 
We know a chamber-pot's an humble thing, 
Yet often round one, tender mem'ries cling, 
And while serenely resting in its place' 
Plain or embellished with artistic grace, 
May bring sweet visions of departed years, 
Or mournful thoughts of sick-room pain and tears. 

"O boys if you were married, each had wife 
To share the troubles of this mortal life; 
A dear companion with affection blest, 
Whose warm red lips to yours were often pressed, 
And faithful eyes that beamed with true love sweet, 
Your own with mutual pleasure oft did greet, 
With loving arms, more fair than pearls that deck 
A queenly brow, entwined around your neck; 
Who in the morning kissed you fond good bye, 
At eve received you with a love-lit eye; 
Two trusting souls with fond devotion tied, 
Thru storm and shine to down life's river glide. 
If such were yours and suddenly were taken 
By cruel Death to leave you here forsaken, 
And broken-hearted, soul depressed with gloom, 
Behind the hearse you followed to the tomb; 
You would, returning to the lonesome hearth, 
Adore the things she handled while on earth. 
When sadly viewing each familiar spot 
With parlor furniture or kitchen pot; 
'Tis then you'd know how this poor woman feels- 
And realize why she with grief appeals. 

"See the sad mourner with her tearful face, 
Where time and sorrow shows a gloomy trace. 
Her pot's a precious heirloom she proclaims, 
Long loved by her ancestral sires and dames, 
And to new generations handed down 
As smooth and shining as a monarch's crown. - u j 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 115 

Brave soldier boys, pray heed the widow's tears, 

And turn your thoughts to those departed years 

When her ioved pot by vanished squire was given 

To faithful i earts just tied with bonds of heaven. 

Then follow on, till like a fairy sweet, 

The baby comes to make the bliss complete. 

'Tis then the mug, more cherished now than gold, 

Alike is useful to the young and old. 

The years roll on, the child to woman grows, 

And soon with lover to the altar goes. 

With flying years the parents next expire, 

And weeping daughter claims the gift of squire. 

Thus thru the years the pot uncracked descended, 

And now must all with cruel war be ended? 

"Ah no!" said Dan, "I feel within my heart, 
You'll not the woman from her heirloom part. 
And blest you'll be to heed the widow's tears, 
Long shall you live and happy be the years; 
While watching angels will observe with pride, 
Your noble deed and thru life's journey guide. 
And when at last your forms to earth are pressed 
Green be the turf above your final rest. 
Fair Luna, gentle goodness of the night, 
Shall on your headstones beam with softest light, 
And Sol, the Day-god, his hot rays withold, 
Nor sear the grass above your pillows cold. 
The song-birds mating in the joyous spring, 
Their happy carols o'er your rest will sing, 
And all the nation due respect will pay 
To boys who spare the widow's mug today." 
Dan Shortcake finished and a rousing cheer 
Round blocks adjacent did the neighbors hear. 
The crowd dispersed, no more the widow cried, 
But kept her heirloom till the day she died. 
The troops moved on while joking crowds amused 
Saw soldiers seize the muck-pots when refused, 
And grinning urchins with delighted screams, 
Romped gayly round the chamber-laden teams. 

One squad of heroes had the toughest time, 
Detailed to Redlight District full of crime. 



116 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



There sneering pimps were by the soldiers kicked, 
And some with bayonets sevierely pricked. 
Yet slow but surely pots were gathered in- 
As the brave boys went thru the haunts of sin. 
When nearly finished, to a house they came 
Where at a window sat a fallen dame. 
Scant was her clothing and the naked breast, 
And painted face, her calling did attest; 







While with wild eyes she glared with harlot hate, 
And hurled a torrent of vile billingsgate. 

Bornwell Goballey, was the leaders name, 
A volunteer well known to social fame, 
And genteel fellow of good education 
Who had enlisted to defend the nation. 
He to the window went and to the woman 
Addressed a speech in language kindly human. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 1 1 7 

"Madam," he said, "we come with no desire 
To harshly speak or rouse resentful ire. 
Long have the wise for apt protection cried, 
With lack of troops and coasts unfortified; 
While reckless makers of Yankona's laws 
Scoffed at appeals or talk of coming wars. 
They now perceive their folly with distress, 
While foes invading on our nation press, 
And patriot pride should gen'rous deeds impel, 
To bring success which history may tell. 
The use of taken pots we do not know, 
But think they're needed to repel the fo^; 
For science lately with inventive freaks, 
In every battle dread destruction wreaks. 
Then why so stubbornly refuse to give 
What we request, that Liberty may live? 
Be patriotic! On your woeful face 
The lines of former beauty I can trace, 
When home with mother and bright hopes were yours, 
Ere steeped in sin your troubled soul deplores, 
But felon-love perhaps your heart deceived, 
And villain gloated while you sadly grieved, 
And Ruin, pointing to a tarnished name, 
Despairing swept you to the depths of shame. 
Thus many a woman to destruction sinks, 
Betrayed by scoundrels while the cold world winks. 

"Sad is your life, and cruelty for years, 
Has seared the soul, suppressing sorrow's tears. 
And yet, whate'er your troubled life has been, 
There's hope for you as was for Magdalene. 
Forget your sin and listen to the voice 
Within the heart which bids you to rejoice! 
For faithful Conscience, ne'er the soul forsakes, 
However low the course which mortal takes; 
But, like a guarding angel' pleads with love, 
While ever pointing to the Lord above — 

"Stop!" cried the harridan. "The twaddle cease! 
Take what you seek and leave me here in peace. 
A coward's punch below the belt you deal, 
And stir emotions which I sadly feel; 



118 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

While Mem'ry holds her mirror to my gaze, 
And sorely stings with thoughts of other days. 
In all my worried years by sin accurst, 
Your hopeful words of kindness are the first. 
O God forgive me!" Then she bowed her head, 
And flood of tears with true contrition shed. 

Within the crowd of hearers there was one 
Who 'gainst the Devil had great wonders done. 
A noble soul was he, true to his church, 
Who ne'er would leave a sinner in the lurch; 
But always looking for the ones depraved, 
Had many from the paths of evil saved. 
He worked at varied lines in early life, 
And had his share of peace and mortal strife. 
Was soldier, editor, and bank cashier, 
Commercial trav'ler, civil engineer, 
And, like most youths, had with the sinners flirted 
Till blest with grace and happily converted. 
'Twas now his greatest joy to sinful souls 
Preserve from Satan and hell's roasting coals. 
He heard the the strumpet with contrition wail' 
And saw his chance to twist the Devil's tail. 
Then, showing how kind words and deeds can soften 
Hard hearts embittered by harsh wrongs too often: 
Good Deacon Miller to the house went in, 
And saved the penitent from further sin. 
The troops with pity for the weeping dame, 
No pots collected from the house of shame. 
"Pass on!" the leader told the faithful squad, 
"And leave the woman to her friend and God." 

So passed the day, and pots of every grade 
Were to the place assigned, by teams convteyed; 
Beside a creek where many a city sewer 
Converging swept its floatage of manure, 
Which Cloacina might behold with pride, 
Her humble servants catch with strainers wide. 
Dull were their nasal nerves, and to each nose 
Alike the odor of a skunk or rose; 
For years of service by the town employed 
In cleaning drains, had smelling-sense destroyed. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 1 1 9 

There, night and day, the mugs were filled and sealed, 

Then to the camp conveyed in carts concealed; 

Where puzzled soldiers watched and jesting smiled 

When rising rows of "nightingales" were piled. 

Pots of all kinds in pyramids were seen, 

Like lines of tents upon a level green. 

As poor and rich, the humble and the proud, 

At great events commingle in the crowd; 

There side by side- plebean mugs were placed 

Near pots patrician with art touches graced. 

Some were embellished with hand-painted flowers 

As fair as any culled in Nature's bowers, 

While simple prints of variegated dyes, 

On others met the scrutinizing eyes. 

Around the middle some had corn-leaves raised, 

And corn-cob handles on the covers glazed; 

While many pots the cheapest work betrayed, 

With a plain knob and not a stripe displayed. 

Some mugs were yellow, others glaring white, 

Yet all, alike be useful in the fight, 

And baby chambers were in layers laid, 

Of equal value for the nation's aid. 

Thus heaped in pyramids with colors splendid, 

They harmless rested till the truce was ended. 

Strange ammunition it appeared, and yet 

Sholgastey hailed it as his "one best bet." 

Meanwhile, Joe Chawmess had for several days 
Been making instruments the Choops to faze, 
And mighty objects made of steel and wood, 
With gears and springs, behind the great wall stood. 
The many parts in sundry shops were made, 
And to the camp in heavy loads conveyed 
To be assembled on revolving bases 
Designed to turn where'er a foeman faces. 
These were the catapults prepared to throw 
Jove's ammunition at approaching foe. 
Fifteen stood ready, at each base beside, 
Electric motors needed power supplied 
To draw the tension of tremendous springs, 
Ere each released, the loaded porcelain flings; 



120 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



Change elevations or the range depress 
Where'er intended to the foes distress. 
Each one completed had been fully tested, 
And, like the piles of pots for battle rested. 

Strong auto-trucks had also been constructed 
By wealthy man who wished to see what muck did, 




To whom Joe Chawmess did the plan reveal, 
And for his kind assistance did appeal. 
His shops were great, the armies he employed 
Were kindly treated and no strikes annoyed; 
While ev'ry toiler hailed him as a friend, 
And would the master with his life defend. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 121 

This man had once a youthful farmer been, 

Next learned a trade, invented a machine; 

Then, building cars, amazing skill he showed, 

And half the people in his autos rode. 

Tho rich as Midas, a plain man was he, 

Who shunned the wine for simple life and tea. 

He hated armaments, and fortune vast 

In cause of peace he generously cast 

With millions spent, war's ravages to stay, 

And teach his fellow men a better way. 

He was unburdened with scholastic knowledge 

Absorbed by parchment graduates of college, 

But in his line he stood without a peer, 

As auto maker and as engineer. 

Regarding Jews, some thought his ways erratic, 

Altho he showed no "rodents in his attic." 

But from his rapping, ne'er a Hebrew moaned, 

And for all failings, his good deeds atoned. 

All convicts loved him and a helping hand 

He gave to many in his faithful band. 

He heard Joe Chawmess, and the plan approved, 

Then from a warehouse he at once removed 

Full fifty auto-trucks as a donation 

To fill the Choopanese with consternation. 

Upon each one he put the tanks and pumps, 

A hundred yards to squirt the liquid dumps. 

These, in a tunnel to the Choops unknown, 

Were wisely placed, in battle to be thrown- 

And there concealed stood ready for the time 

To hurl the streams of terrifying slime. 

The irrigation tank was also ready 

To yield a nauseous torrent strong and steady, 

And with revolving sprinklers on the lawn 

Connected waiting for the battle morn. 

And thus, three days before the truce expired, 

All plans were finished which the gods desired. 

XX 

'Twas eventide and gentle ocean breeze 
Played with the banners of the Choopanese, 



122 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

While Sol descending tinted Sisco's heights 

Like a dream-picture of Arabian nights. 

Before the camp, with telescope in hand, 

Still as a statue did Hel Jaygo stand. 

Upon the distant city turned the glass, 

To here and there with careful study pass; 

Surveyed the battlefield where slept the braves, 

And scanned the foamy beach and sparkling waves; 

Removed the sweeping lenses with a sigh, 

And faced Ashugo who was standing nigh. 

"Alas!" said he, "that duty should compel 
Nockhardo's guns that city fair to shell. 
Yet soon the truce expires, three days remain 
Before war's fury shall destruction rain; 
While stubborn Yanks the city's doom invite 
By vain resistance to our winning fight. 
Our winning fight a hollow farce will be, 
If waste of ashes on those hills we see; 
Yet if with shells, we homes and temples raze, 
They may unyielding let the city blaze, 
And satisfaction find in grim defeat' 
While we, sad victors, hold each ruined street. 
Then loved Nockhardo would no ransom gain 
To pay for war's expense and battle-pain; 
While we accept the vict'ry with chagrin, 
And in Choopan no royal honors win. 
Had they no cannons, I some plan would form 
To scale the wall and take the place by storm, 
And with our trusty weapons, man to man, 
Unshelled would seize the city for Choopan." 

"They've no artillery for you to fear!" 
Exclaimed a voice from unseen speaker near, 
And the old victor of the wresling bout, 
Came like a phantom as they turned about; 
Threw back his cloak to show he was unarmed, 
And calmed the Count who trembled quite alarmed. 
He with a hollow voice again began, 
And thus bespoke the leader of Choopan: 

"They have no cannons to be used in war, 
For powder's gone and shells exhausted are; 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 123 

While troops and leaders o'er conditons sigh, 

As flitting hours of promised truce go by. 

When first you fought them they good battle gave, 

But ran when powderless, the day to save. 

Next with no cartridges they did retreat, 

When screening clouds did you from vict'ry cheat. 

When last you faced their army 'twas the same, 

They dauntless battled till the temblor came; 

Then ammunitionless with wisdom fled 

When clouds of ashes the volcano spread. 

Now in the camp, they useless weapons view, 

And curse their shiftless Congress more than you; 

O'er unpreparedness all disgusted sigh, 

And on the bayonet alone rely. 

Your judgment's right, if you the city shell, 

Then all shall fade with searing heat of hell, 

And Vict'rys fruits like Sodom's apples taste 

To winning Choops who gain the ashen waste." 

Hel Jaygo listened with bewilderment, 
When, like a flash, the unknown speaker went. 
Amazed, the twain beheld him disappear, 
And the Count shook with superstitious fear. 
But the great leader a good omen saw, 
And thought the visitor a god of war; 
For in the legends of his land of birth, 
Were tales of such who favored sons of earth. 
He then concluded to bombardment spare, 
And for the scaling of the wall prepare. 
Next with his officers in council went, 
Told what he saw and also his intent. 
Then soon the ladders ready for the fray, 
Were packed and waiting for the fatal day. 
Quick flew the time ere quiet truce no more 
Would hold invaders on Yankona's shore. 
Another morn will bring the battle-din- 
And queerest combat of all wars begin. 

Within Sholgastey's camp, in mighty lots 
Beside the catapults were piles of pots, 
With fifty men to each machine assigned 
To hurl destruction at the foes unkind; 



124 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 



While also placed beside pneumatic guns, 

Were loaded mugs of sev'ral thousand tons. 

These guns for throwing dynamite were made, 

But useless found 'gainst modern cannonade; 

But now were able with their barrels large, 

To throw six porcelain bombs with each discharge. 

Well manned they stood, prepared with air compressed, 

And stinking shells, the Choopanese to best. 

All plans completed when Sholgastey went 

To needed slumber in his waiting tent, 

Yet, ere he slept, gazed on the distant stars, 

And also breathed a prayer to Jove and Mars. 

XXI. 

The morning came and hostile camps awoke, 
Each well prepared for war's decisive stroke . 
Hel J ay go's troops paid homage to the sun, 
And bathed before the simple meal begun; 
True to their ancient faith, lest if they died 
With skin defiled' the souls have bliss denied. 
The recent battles proved that Yanks could fight, 
And not a soldier did their valor slight; 
While all conceived a sanguinary fray 
Ere Sol descended on the dismal day. 
Fear shook them not, yet many a little man 
Thought of his darling in afar Choopan, 
To breathe a silent prayer of hope and love, 
For their protection by the gods above. 
Of useless luggage was each Choop bereft, 
And needless knapsacks in the camp were left; 
While cannons also had been left behind, 
And to the care of healing troops consigned. 
Nockhardo's leader wished his men be light, 
For quick descent and overwhelming fight; 
As he, ere noon, conceived the vict'ry sure, 
Nor dreamt of tragedy with rained manure. 
Great loads of ladders made of light bamboo, 
Beside each regiment his horses drew. 
Thus, 'neath die banner of Choopan they went, 
As cheer on cheer the sunlit welkin rent. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 125 

Sholgastey, watching with his field-glass saw 

Hel Jaygo marshaling his ranks of war. 

His staff beside him with their glasses raised, 

Likewise observed and their maneuvers praised- 

As to the combat trim brigades advanced, 

And rays reflected from their weapons glanced. 

"Fine," said Sholgastey and John Shyram near, 
While sad Ben Jolphus wore an aspect drear, 
As he surveyed with melancholy thoughts, 
Yankona's catapults and stinking pots, 
And wondered then if all could be a joke 
Played by the gods to ridicule provoke. 
Not so the leader as he turned with pride, 
And scanned the catapults with mugs beside; 
Looked at the waiting pipes upon the lawn, 
Ammonia-charged, with filth for Choops forlorn; 
Thought of his pumping auto-trucks concealed 
To chill with horror when to foes revealed, 
And hailed a victory, for well he knew 
His ancient gods to promises were true. 
The brave militia rested on the wall 
With ready rifles waiting for the call, 
While willing cavalry with sabers keen, 
Behind the gates on mounted steeds were seen. 

On came the mighty host with steady tramp, 
And soon a mile had traveled from the camp, 
While all observers wondered what it meant- 
When not one cannon with invaders went. 
The gleaming lines were spread the field across, 
With great Hel Jaygo leading on a horse; 
While faithful staff and willing aides were near, 
To go where bidden and commands to hear. 
Parading thus with half the distance passed, 
Sholgastey signaled .and the die was cast. 
Then like the sound of surf on rocky shore, 
The fortress echoed with a rumbling roar, 
As ten pneumatic guns with smokeless breath, 
Discharged their porcelain messengers of death. 
Full sixty pots were hurtled far and high, 
With lightning speed, unseen by mortal eye, 



126 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Then quick descending on the foemen fell 

With deadly crash and terrifying smell. 

Two of the leader's staff were killed, his steed 

With soldiers near him did expiring bleed; 

While others horrified bewailed their luck 

When struck by fragments and besmeared with muck. 

They heard no cannon and beheld no flame, 

Nor the direction whence the missiles came; 

But stared with terror at the comrades dead, 

With filth which robbed the souls of bliss o'erhead. 

Such warfare never had wild dreams conceived, 

And for the spirit's injury they grieved; 

While hero hearts that ne'er before had quailed, 

Now sunk with sorrow and the bravest paled. 

Short was the time the leader had to think 

Of the first volley with its dreadful stink, 

For once again, propelled by unseen power, 

Upon the ranks was rained a deadly shower. 

The guns and catapults were quickly plied, 

And Choops by hundreds all around him died; 

While cries tumultuous from the living rose, 

When odors terrible assailed the nose. 

"Charge!" cried Hel Jaygo, and the bugle-blast 
Was welcome music to the army vast. 
Then to the front the broken columns ran 
With nimble feet for glory and Choopan; 
While smashing pots, like rain descended fast, 
And many perished with each volley cast. 
They reached the boulevard and quickly crossed, 
While still the mugs with deadly aim were tossed. 
Upon the lawn the doughty legions swarmed 
With hundreds falling as they madly stormed. 
When half across, the Yanks a volley poured, 
And tumbled foes told how the rifles scored; 
But the brave Choops their weapons also raised, 
And on the wall fell many when they blazed. 
Then at the tank by wise Joe Chawmess fixed, 
Filled with vile filth and strong ammonia mixed; 
He turned the pressure and a million sprays 
Of stifling stuff did the invaders faze. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 127 

They gasped with anguish and their gods invoked 
When stinking vapor and ammonia choked; 
While raining pots and rifles on the wall, 
Trapped Choopanese with misery did appall. 
Upon the sward the rushing lines did sink 
Choked by the fumes and agonized by stink, 
While great Joe Chawmess threw the killing spray 
Till cold in death Nockhardo's thousands lay. 

XXII 

When came the charge, Hel Jaygo to the rear, 
Dropt with his aides to view the battle clear, 
But his fond dream of conquest was dispelled 
When he the awful tragedy beheld. 
With rage in heart and sorrow in his eye, 
He saw his heroes without mercy die; 
Thought of artillery five miles away* 
And swore that Sisco would most dearly pay, 
When he the city with remorseless rage 
Would shell to ashes and his wrath assuage. 
"Retreat!" he ordered, and his living men, 
Scant twenty thousand backward turned again; 
While still upon them thrown with striking skill, 
The crashing war-pots fell to maim and kill. 
Sore with defeat, he of Nockhardo thought, 
Nor would he care if hit by deadly pot, 
Were't not that filthiness of death so given, 
Denied his spirit happiness in heaven. 

His men, bespattered with malodorous stuff, 
Rebuked their gods and thought they had enough; 
When looking eastward they beheld a train 
Of horseless wagons coming o'er the plain. 
Great backs of steel all turtle shaped they bore, 
With threat' ning nozzles pointing out before. 
These the sad leader studied with his glass, 
As the big monsters hurried thru the grass. 
He gave the order for a hasty flight 
To ocean spreading at adjacent right. 
Then to the shore they panic-stricken fled, 
While in pursuit the rushing autos sped. 



128 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Tho short the distance and tho good the start, 
No human legs could match an engined cart; 
And ere the flying host the beach had gained, 
Upon their backs were nasty nozzles trained. 
Too near the waves! Tho mighty was the squirt, 
The running Choops received the streams unhurt, 
And all good swimmers in the sea they jumped, 
And swam beyond the reach of liquid pumped. 

Sholgastey saw, and pitying the brave, 
With all his cavalry made haste to save; 
While Burgomaster with his lofty hat, 
Behind the swordsmen on a stallion sat, 
And took his chauffeur who with Choops would plead 
To shoreward turn and proferred mercy heed. 
The sea was black with Choopanese who heard 
The chauffeur hail them with a friendly word 
And also in their native tongue explain 
How their decease would give his master pain. 
He offered mercy and would freedom give 
To ev'ry prisoner who desired to live, 
And better for their wives and children's care, 
To homeward go than vainly perish there. 

He thus in substance spoke, and none demurred 
To the kind offer which surprised they heard. 
Then soon all dripping from the peaceful main, 
Disarmed they rested on the sands again; 
Before the night were to their vessels sent, 
And homeward hurried from the continent. 

Thus did Sholgastey' s gods their promise keep, 
When beaten Choops departed o'er the deep, 
And the brave leader turned his eyes to heaven, 
While thankful praise to Jove and Mars were given. 
Zed Rooster also felt his branded stern, 
Which yet unhealed with Vulcan's fire did burn; 
Then looked to ocean and a blessing gave 
To Father Neptune and his jeweled cave. 
This pious Holey, standing near observed' 
And homage to such pagan gods reserved. 

The city's streets were carnivals of joy 
For hoary age, for ev'ry girl and boy. 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

Horns blown, bells rung with wildest jubilation 
By happy citizens of ev'ry station, 
Who did Sholgastey and Joe Chawmess greet 
With piles of roses scattered at their feet 
They bound the laurel on Ben Jolphus' head 
And squeezed his fingers till his hands were red, 
Then moved John Shyram to a station higher, 
Where Senate listened to his vocal fire. 



129 




Jim Freedun also, all his sins forgot, 
Received a present of a golden pot, 
And public thanks embellished with engraving, 
For filling battle-pots for Sisco's saving. 
Then all the women who had pots supplied, 
Were swelled with joy and patriotic pride, 
And each believed herself a Joan of Arc, 
Or Charlotte Corday worthy of a mark, 



130 THE SIEGE OF SISCO 

And to the fellows who had filled each mug, 
Will Bryno handed grape juice by the jug. 

The grateful people chose an emblem new 
With gilded chamber-pot on field of blue, 
Encircled with emblazoned stars of white, 
Thrown to the breeze o'er Sisco day and night. 
They also, straddling 'cross the Olden Gate, 
Like Rhodes' Colossus, reared a statue great, 
Of brave Zed Rooster looking to the west, 
Nude as when born, save with a fig leaf dressed. 
There musing trav'lers went, and wond'ring eyed 
The mighty figure o'er the rushing tide, 
And on the huge bronze buttocks, Neptune's brand 
Was shown to visitors from ev'ry land, 
With thanks to Gods Olympian for salvation 
In the dark hours of battle tribulation. 

The trouble taught Yankona to be wise, 
And ne'er again be taken by surprise. 
Soon was an army of tremendous power 
Prepared to meet a foe at any hour, 
While ships of war in mighty fleets patrolled 
The coasts and found no adversary bold; 
For when prepared to draw the battle-blade, 
No hungry nation dares a land invade. 

Thus ends the story of a vanished age, 
And deeds unwrit on modern hist'ry's page, 
When bold invaders unexpected came 
With bloody war to point a nation's shame; 
Of hopeless combat and of godly aid 
When beaten heroes were by foes dismayed, 
And how the bed-room pots by gods advised, 
Had won the victory and foes chastised. 

Now bold Sholgasty and John Shyram great, 
And good Ben Jolphus with the noble pate; 
Zed Rooster, hero whom the gods did save 
To bear the message from the Sea-god's cave; 
Bill Possum, Bryno, priest, and weeping whore, 
And Deacon Miller are on earth no more. 
No more Dan Shortcake eloquently pleads 
To save a thunder-mug for widow's needs, 



THE SIEGE OF SISCO 131 

And Richman Shekels rides no gilded car, 
Nor chauffeur donates shirt-tail for the war. 
The wise Joe Chawmess of the matchless brain, 
Nor slim Jim Freedun shall be seen again. 
They, with all mentioned on preceding pages, 
Have gone to glory where no battle rages. 
And yet the narrative to men of sense, 
Betrays necessity for strong defense; 
And well for thoughtless people of today, 
Who preach disarmament and peaceful pray, 
To heed the lesson to Yankona given, 
And be prepared before by battles riven. 
Time quickly flies, no mortal can foretell 
When foes may come and lift the lid of hell. 

Like an old woman who serenely sits 
With doting dreams and stocking camly knits, 
So sits Columbia on Freedom's height, 
While dogs of war are scowling left and right. 
Yet mad posterity may raging curse 
Her present apathy with war's reverse. 
When future sons deplore their battle fate, 
Thru unpreparedness when it is too late. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




015 908 811 A 



THE SIEGE OF 
SISCO 

Or THE BATTLE OF THE POTS 




